I think it's very interesting what you say about you seeing difference what people's long for and what they need for when you look at charts.
That's not what I said, actually, but maybe it's true for you. I've heard (not sure if it's true or just theory) that people with a sun/moon opposition experience a great difference between what they want and what they need. Moon represents our deepest desires, and sun represents what we need most for our own growth. If they're in opposition, those are two very different things. However, I think your opposition may be a bit easier because you have those signs in each other's associated houses and because you have a planet (Neptune) forming a trine to your sun and a sextile to your moon. Neptune, however, is a key planet for you in other ways....
I know one of my problem is that I'm living all my relationship in my head. And thou I'm desperately longing for love im not expressing it to those people. Partly because I sense it is not welcomed. Even when they are interested they shy away. This has been my pattern for many years...maybe because of many bad past experiences..when I was crushed with my wishes.
I think i have always fell in love with persons that I can't have. They are always somehow emotionally not available for me (gay, married, not interested).
Repeatedly falling for unavailable people is a way to avoid intimacy. It strikes me as a particularly Piscean/Neptunian way. Chase the mirage, don't let it become reality.
Could also be a Virgoan way, if part of your m.o. is to create a mental picture of the perfect partner that no real person can measure up to. I have no idea if that's what you've been doing, but if it is, it would fit with both your Venus placement and your seventh house sign.
What I said about people approaching relationships in a way that doesn't fit with their chart means this: sometimes people approach relationships in a way that doesn't match what their chart shows they need. They might, for instance, try to start a relationship by flirting heavily when they have a Venus placement that suggests they need to be up front and real with people they like, and are likely to find flirting too phony (Virgo is one of those possible placements). Or they keep dating people very different from the kind of person indicated by their seventh house (signs and placements in the seventh house suggest a partner with their traits--in your case, the best partner would be someone who is Pisces-like in some way, maybe with a touch of Aries in their personality).
It sounds like you are approaching relationships in a way that fits with your chart, but dysfunctionally. Your chart can suggest both how you would approach intimacy, and how you would avoid it.
At my childhood I had serious problems with my dad. He had mental illness and he was violent towards me.
Based on what I see in your karmic chart, I'm not surprised that abuse happened in your family. There's always an echo of the south node story in the current life. But what I see also looks like a history--past life and/or current life--of being supported by your family, even if they were abusive. Did you also experience a lot of family support? Did your dad have lucid moments when he treated you more like a favorite? Did you perhaps get significant material support from your family, like inherited money or family connections that helped you get where you are?
What makes me ask that is there are many trines and sextiles involving your south node and its ruler, Jupiter. In a past life karmic story, trines and sextiles indicate who or what supported you. That doesn't necessarily mean supported you in a good way. It could have been an enabling kind of support, or a backhanded kind of support, as in, you get favored as long as you keep up appearances and don't make waves.
You also have many trines and sextiles involving the sun and Saturn, which are the planets usually interpreted as the father's significator. Plus, Neptune on your IC makes many trines and sextiles, and is conjunct your south node, too. In that, I think we have an indicator of your father's mental illness. When we're looking for our parents in the birth chart, typically the fourth house/IC is read as the father and 10th house/MC as the mother, because in the home, to a child, the mother is usually the more present and dominant parent. If the opposite was true for you, we would reverse that.
The IC is also about roots, far reaching intergenerational patterns, and your own deep self. Since you've got a seventh house ruler there, and it's clearly indicative of the ways you were hurt, it looks to me like the way to a healthy relationship is to work on your own healing. Ultimately, it wouldn't be just your own healing, it would also extend to your family, whether or not they play any direct part in it.