fears and insecurities around my mental abilities and communication with others

[FishNChips62]

I am fine speaking I am just afraid to bring attention to myself.

Well, why? I`m just curious I am afraid b/c I care about what ppl are going to think about what i say [and it not making any sense]. And ALSO i`m afraid b/c i`m just scared of finding out that what i say really just doesn`t make sense, no matter what they think of me after i`ve said..just the fact that they didn`t grasp the idea i was trying to get across period really really bothers me.

I think you are just scared about what ppl may think of you b/c of your little time in the spotlight, even if very brief. People will always have an "opinion" of you, whether good or bad, right? I think i just don`t want to do anything that might upset their "neutral" opinion of me. I think even if i didn`t have communication fears and/or problems, I`d still be shy about being in the spotlight at all. The thing is though, that i don`t just want to be understood, i want to be able to CHARM with my words. That`s what this is all about. Now, how can i charm anyone if they don`t even get the point at all?

I crave attention, being a cancer sun-leo moon, and i`m just acknowledging that need of mine with honesty. I know it`s 'stupid' and it shouldn`t be something i should aim to do...to please others and charm my way onto their good side, but everybody knows if they`d be able to do that they wouldn`t be complaining.

I think the practical side of getting over my communication difficulties (which will help me get over the fear) is through writing. That way i don`t have to face people when i`m trying to get an idea across..and so my fear/insecurity won`t make me stutter and worsen things. I think if i can become confident that i can communicate clearly and in an organized, structured way with clear support/reasons for the things i believe (i`m thinking of essays here) on paper, i`ll be able to overcome my fear of not being understood. All i need is practice. The fear stems from knowing myself that the thoughts inside my head are scattered and not structured and so when i speak, it`s not clear what i really mean. If i know that i`ve corrected that even if just a bit, my fear will diminish remarkably.

So, in terms of cold, logical reasoning, i don`t think it`s my thinking that is ahead of anybody`s--in fact i only think that about joking around..or just anything that would make anybody laugh. I feel the most misunderstood in that area. And, of course, that`s my greatest desire . . to be a "charmer" so u can bet it`s a big thing for me. And it`s not even as shallow or approval-seeking as it sounds, i just really really find great happiness is helping others see the bright side of life. But, who would be delighted to be able to put a smile on anyone`s face?

Ay, I think i might be going back to my Leo South Node ways! Wait, might is not the word there, make that --am. I totally am! Argg. But, well this whole thing of wanting to be charming has to do with connecting with those around you, too right? isn`t that an aquarius thing--friendship? lol. I suck for making up excuses. I`ll stop now.

I dunno. w/e.

Cossie, i hope i might`ve helped clarify your insecurities, too ..somehow? I dunno if you can identify with anything i just said, but if so let me know, k?

I simply cannot express what I want to say and then often when I try it comes out wrong or I am misunderstood. I often just dont speak up for fear of failure.

I only fear things coming out 'wrong' as in i hurt somebod`s feelings or it sounds like i`m being really rude/mean and attacking the person. Like, we have a class in the arts school i go to where someone goes up to sing in front of the class and the rest of the class comments on their performance. I have a tough time with that because usually when i say things that i noticed they could work on they come out so tactlessly, so bluntly. I just DON`t know how to sugarcoat it. What happens is i end up speaking in a really soft, sweet voice where baely anyone can hear me so i can make it as non-agressive as possible. I`ve heard about this kind of thing where you have to actually make an effort to refrain saying things as if you were brutally criticizing and attacking that person. Also i have mercury-opp-uranus which makes the weirdest things come out of your mouth and in the tone that you least wanted to say it in. Bette Midler had this aspect, i`ve read, and it said she would blurt out random out-of-nowhere things in public interviews and stuff. Lol. I`d love to see one of those one day.
<p>Oh yeah, and BorX--how in THE world do u know so much??!? JEeSos! I really liked everthing u had to say, and the things that i could identify about myself that i really could point out as true, was right on target! good job!


Thanks everyone! g2g!

Mabel