bouganvilleaMoon
New member
hello,
i am in a period of my life where i need to take action, and i am feeling quite stuck and afraid.
i spent the last months of 2024 in intense feelings of guilt and regret. not really regret over things i did that were "bad", but just seeing a different perspective from the one i had.
my early 20s had a lot going on, i was thrust in leadership positions, and subsequently got disillusioned. that period of disillusionment was accompanied by major changes in how i understood myself and my life, and the direction of my life.
i made a lot of "brave" choices, struggled with depression, feelings of guilt, self loathing. i underwent therapy, developed frameworks and capacity to retrieve the pearl of myself, and attempt to love myself unconditionally. the journey of my twenties has stretched in many directions; but it had a lot to do with self acceptance, self trust, and learning to just take action.
alongside lessons on prioritizing myself, choosing myself, releasing the seductive call of martyrdom
among many other lessons that are still difficult to put into words.
now, at 27. i feel like a baby once again, at a point in my life when i should feel established and should be building on the lessons of my early and mid 20s, i find myself racked with doubt, maybe i misunderstood the lessons and take aways of the past 7 years? i worry that i have failed before i began.
i have decided to be a writer, an artist, as it felt like the truest way to channel my energies into an offering for the world. i am struggling with being financially self reliant, i still get some support from my family and this makes me feel ashamed because i feel i should be self reliant by now.
i still struggle with receiving support.
i find myself wondering if i should have stuck to the conventional path i was on, before the many life changing decisions of my 20s.
i find myself wondering if i am delusional to think i can develop financial self reliance in my chosen field as a writer / artist ( why not me? i wonder, but sometimes i feel this heat in my chest pushing me down)
i would appreciate insight into any of the following:
- what is the most critical thing for me to do at this stage of my journey?
- i am experiencing a nodal reverse at the moment ( 1st house - 7th house axis ) how can i support myself through this transit?
- let me know what you see when you glance at my chart, i am having a lot of doubts about myself and my capacity
- why am i suddenly so preoccupied with looking back to 2017 and with such a critical eye?
- what are some good options for gigs for me to make money while i work on my craft, based on my chart? / will this hot hot anxiety around my capacity to make a living ease off the more i dedicate myself to my chosen field?
i am in a period of my life where i need to take action, and i am feeling quite stuck and afraid.
i spent the last months of 2024 in intense feelings of guilt and regret. not really regret over things i did that were "bad", but just seeing a different perspective from the one i had.
my early 20s had a lot going on, i was thrust in leadership positions, and subsequently got disillusioned. that period of disillusionment was accompanied by major changes in how i understood myself and my life, and the direction of my life.
i made a lot of "brave" choices, struggled with depression, feelings of guilt, self loathing. i underwent therapy, developed frameworks and capacity to retrieve the pearl of myself, and attempt to love myself unconditionally. the journey of my twenties has stretched in many directions; but it had a lot to do with self acceptance, self trust, and learning to just take action.
alongside lessons on prioritizing myself, choosing myself, releasing the seductive call of martyrdom
among many other lessons that are still difficult to put into words.
now, at 27. i feel like a baby once again, at a point in my life when i should feel established and should be building on the lessons of my early and mid 20s, i find myself racked with doubt, maybe i misunderstood the lessons and take aways of the past 7 years? i worry that i have failed before i began.
i have decided to be a writer, an artist, as it felt like the truest way to channel my energies into an offering for the world. i am struggling with being financially self reliant, i still get some support from my family and this makes me feel ashamed because i feel i should be self reliant by now.
i still struggle with receiving support.
i find myself wondering if i should have stuck to the conventional path i was on, before the many life changing decisions of my 20s.
i find myself wondering if i am delusional to think i can develop financial self reliance in my chosen field as a writer / artist ( why not me? i wonder, but sometimes i feel this heat in my chest pushing me down)
i would appreciate insight into any of the following:
- what is the most critical thing for me to do at this stage of my journey?
- i am experiencing a nodal reverse at the moment ( 1st house - 7th house axis ) how can i support myself through this transit?
- let me know what you see when you glance at my chart, i am having a lot of doubts about myself and my capacity
- why am i suddenly so preoccupied with looking back to 2017 and with such a critical eye?
- what are some good options for gigs for me to make money while i work on my craft, based on my chart? / will this hot hot anxiety around my capacity to make a living ease off the more i dedicate myself to my chosen field?
Attachments
Last edited: