feeling stuck, yet in a period of my life where action is critical, i don't want to waste this moment

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bouganvilleaMoon

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hello,

i am in a period of my life where i need to take action, and i am feeling quite stuck and afraid.
i spent the last months of 2024 in intense feelings of guilt and regret. not really regret over things i did that were "bad", but just seeing a different perspective from the one i had.
my early 20s had a lot going on, i was thrust in leadership positions, and subsequently got disillusioned. that period of disillusionment was accompanied by major changes in how i understood myself and my life, and the direction of my life.
i made a lot of "brave" choices, struggled with depression, feelings of guilt, self loathing. i underwent therapy, developed frameworks and capacity to retrieve the pearl of myself, and attempt to love myself unconditionally. the journey of my twenties has stretched in many directions; but it had a lot to do with self acceptance, self trust, and learning to just take action.
alongside lessons on prioritizing myself, choosing myself, releasing the seductive call of martyrdom
among many other lessons that are still difficult to put into words.

now, at 27. i feel like a baby once again, at a point in my life when i should feel established and should be building on the lessons of my early and mid 20s, i find myself racked with doubt, maybe i misunderstood the lessons and take aways of the past 7 years? i worry that i have failed before i began.
i have decided to be a writer, an artist, as it felt like the truest way to channel my energies into an offering for the world. i am struggling with being financially self reliant, i still get some support from my family and this makes me feel ashamed because i feel i should be self reliant by now.
i still struggle with receiving support.
i find myself wondering if i should have stuck to the conventional path i was on, before the many life changing decisions of my 20s.
i find myself wondering if i am delusional to think i can develop financial self reliance in my chosen field as a writer / artist ( why not me? i wonder, but sometimes i feel this heat in my chest pushing me down)


i would appreciate insight into any of the following:
- what is the most critical thing for me to do at this stage of my journey?
- i am experiencing a nodal reverse at the moment ( 1st house - 7th house axis ) how can i support myself through this transit?
- let me know what you see when you glance at my chart, i am having a lot of doubts about myself and my capacity
- why am i suddenly so preoccupied with looking back to 2017 and with such a critical eye?
- what are some good options for gigs for me to make money while i work on my craft, based on my chart? / will this hot hot anxiety around my capacity to make a living ease off the more i dedicate myself to my chosen field?
 

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Maybe one thing to focus on is your Saturn-moon-Venus T-square. With Saturn opposite moon you are probably prone to negative feelings, even if your actual circumstances, objectively, aren't so bad. Saturn in can also make you feel like your embodied being-in-the-world is troubled.

Fear, guilt, and regret are ruled by Saturn.

So Saturn is probably the planet to get to know. One of his big lessons is self-discipline. So maybe every time that "not good enough" trope pops into your brain, discipline yourself to say, "I'm fine. There is nothing wrong with me!" or whatever words would snap you out of your doldrums. The real problems may still be there, but you can discipline yourself to spend less times in the imagined ones.

If you're not getting good outdoor exercise, I highly recommend it. This should relieve some of the tension of your Mars square sun.
 
why am i suddenly so preoccupied with looking back to 2017 and with such a critical eye?
The chart is made in the Whole Sign system, which can place (some) planetary functions, other than a 4th house natal Sun, in realms different to other house systems. This would provide alternative information regarding situations occured along one's life path.

What you might care to check is the Solar Arc Directions for 2017, activating the period between when you were 19-21 years old. S.A.D's are purely hypothetical calculations, moving every planet forward at the same rate of Sun's daily motion from birth. They cover a period of approx. 3 years and have shown themselves to correspond to events occuring at the time when aspecting a natal planet, and are then over; unlike secondary progressions that are life-defining.
If you move every planet in the natal chart 20 degrees forward you will see that almost every one aspected a natal planet, indicating a traumatic ,tormenting period through the aspects to and from the controlling nature of Pluto, the planet of no return, that 'finalised something for good.'

At 27 years old, you are approaching the very special period when the Moon, as per each day after birth, completes its first cycle of the natal chart, the transit of Uranus trines its natal position, to be followed by the first return of Saturn to its natal position. It can be compared to the leap into adulthood, when feelings and ideas regarding the events of youth change and, hopefully, can be experienced differently, allowing maturity to set in and pave the way for the future.
As Waybread expressed, events pertaining to the Moon-Venus-Saturn T-square effects could be dealt with and accepted for what was, and not necessarily will continue to hold one back from moving forward.
 
- what is the most critical thing for me to do at this stage of my journey?
I don't think astrology really tells what we "should" do, rather it contextualizes our experience and helps us understand it archetypally. Not sure what happened in 2017 but that's when you had a progressed new moon happen in your 5th house. That progressed cycle will hit it's opening square this summer, so there's a link and continuation of that process. Also at your next birthday, you will enter a 5th house profection year, bringing that Moon-Venus dynamic strongly into focus. It seems to be a very prominent aspect of your life. Venus and Moon are of the sect in favor in your night chart, and even though configured by square, they're in mutual reception with each other, so both of them benefit from the exchange. Venus is also in the house of her joy in the 5th, so I see this as a highly beneficial aspect in your chart.
The opening square of the progressed lunation cycle, starting this summer and lasting for a couple of years, will have you build on whatever the 2017 thing was about.
"The most critical thing for you to do" I believe is to follow your calling. Your Lot of Spirit is also located in the 5th house so that Moon in Libra is your guiding light. She's in a troublesome house in the 8th, but how she's configured with Venus I believe your creativity will definitely carry you to where you want to be.
Saturn in your 2nd house, in his fall, definitely speaks to the money issues, but I would say not to beat yourself up about it. The coming 3 years or so, your Saturn return, will have you dealing with all of this. Saturn wants to have things clearly defined and in Aries, the tendency to jump to rigid conclusions without thinking multiple options through could be an issue. Saturn can be very polarizing, "this OR that", but maybe it could be "this AND that". Mars, who rules your Saturn, is in the 7th house in Virgo, maybe there's someone in your life who could help you with this? A "financial advisor", even if it's just a friend or a parent. Someone who could help to bring some structure and grounding and planning to your visions for the future.
- i am experiencing a nodal reverse at the moment ( 1st house - 7th house axis ) how can i support myself through this transit?
I think when Neptune and Saturn leave Pisces things will already get better and easier to navigate, they will both re-enter but by February 2026 they're out for good. You do have the NN in your 1st house so there's an increased focus on who you are, what you do, how you think. It sounds like you've already gone through some monumental shifts in your life, so I think you're well prepared to handle whatever is coming.
- let me know what you see when you glance at my chart, i am having a lot of doubts about myself and my capacity
With the ascendant ruler in the 12th, there could be a natural tendency to end up in situations where you feel distanced somehow; distanced from yourself, distanced from the people around you, distanced from the world itself. You are a Pisces rising, so you are a child of Jupiter, and Jupiter is in the airy, detached sign of Aquarius in the 12th. I can imagine this creates quite an internal schism, where your mind naturally has this tendency to be compassionate, accepting of others, seeing the good and beautiful aspects of life, but adding on to this the 12th house Aquarius part, we get someone who can unconsciously self-sabotage by universalizing his experience and over-emphasizing (Jupiter makes things big) "the meaning" or "the truth" of things, maybe to a point where, as you yourself say, you're almost lured into a sort of martyrdom.
You sound very intelligent to me from your writing, and I think you're someone who has the capacity to be very realistic if you want to, but I think outlandish or original or non-conventional ideas appeal to you more, so maybe you end up complicating things for yourself.
The Moon in the 8th speaks to you having access to resources and support, it's the house of "shared resources" and also "gifted money"; money that's not really yours, but it ends up being yours, the same goes for inheritances. The opposition to Saturn is creating the tension between "your own money" and "other people's money", but like I said, the coming 3 years will have this topic undergoing revision through your Saturn return. You also have Jupiter entering your 5th house where he will support your creative endeavors, so I would say just keep doing what you're doing and don't worry about the money too much, it will get sorted out. Also with the mutual reception between the 5th and 8th, "shared resources" and "creativity" are interlinked in a benefic way, so have faith in your artistic endeavors.
- why am i suddenly so preoccupied with looking back to 2017 and with such a critical eye?
Like I said earlier, 2017 was the start of a new progressed lunation cycle for you, which will last for about 29-30 years. Also in that year, Venus was retrograde in the same signs it will be this spring, your 1st and 2nd houses. What was happening back then, especially in March and April? Expect similar themes to come up this coming Venus retrograde (March-April).
- what are some good options for gigs for me to make money while i work on my craft, based on my chart? / will this hot hot anxiety around my capacity to make a living ease off the more i dedicate myself to my chosen field?
I think we can do whatever we want, regardless of what our chart says, but a simple cookbook example with your 10th house ruler being in the 12th, would be to work with something 12th house related = secluded/isolated places (groundskeeper of a graveyard, something hospital or jail or monastery related etc.)

But check this out, your Zodiacal Releasing from Lot of Spirit comes to Libra in April 2025 on Level 2. That period is active for 8 months so until December. In ZR it's said that when the chronocratorship comes to the sign where the ruler of the Lot of Spirit is located, it's a period when we encounter our life's work, or at least "a" life's work. I think you already know what your calling is, but I think this is a period to look forward to as a period where you should allow yourself to fully immerse yourself in your chosen field.

The best of luck to you!
 
its very simple actually.

you are just now entering the saturn 12th house. thats the house of self undoing, and its just what its supposed to do. you are busy undoing you ….to critically assesses your progress, abilities, weaknesses, readiness for the adult stage. while this internal self assessment is going on, it gets very negative. you arent a joy to be around. critical, negative and harsh.

the second half is deciding what, how, why, where and with whom.

you are not a child any longer. so what do you want to achieve next 30 years?

if you aren't ready, now is when you must face facts, stop fear ruling you and get ready.

the consequence of not doing it is missing the boat as the door closes in five years, stepping back and sending next 30 yrs scratching about preparing for next opportunity.

there is no right and wrong. its all individual.

if you have to take the time to set yourself up, then be a late starter in your 50s, then thats what you will decide.

but I think, given your saturn is in a mini triangle with sun and jupiter, uranus trine sun making you stable, extremely inventive, brilliant mentality and super good luck…. i think you will be just fine.

but all the negativity necessary for this personal introspective self assessment next couple of years, is just not the time to formulate new beginnings or to feel positive. you will feel insecure, unsure, worthless… you will doubt, question your ability and criticise yourself.

its a real wonder we survive this period!

now is when you assess the what, how etc and make sure you have the skill set.

you have amazing inventive capacity and engineering skills that are natural to you. one way or other…. make sure you are in a position to use them.

you do have capacity, or you did in the world we seem to now have left behind. this topsy turvy world has become so unsettled and unpredictable that maybe given the resulting capacity one needs to have to just cope with it…. you will not have enough.

and you cant expect anyone to have a magic pill for you either. there is no rule book. no 0800 number to call. no step by step guide. no certainty. no answer.

prepare your skills. look for ways to use them. you have all you need. it will come to you.
 
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