Need Serious Help with Spouse!

[Grr8House]

Well, the truth is that I have to admit the balance of power in my relationship with my spouse is way off. He is a bully. He's mean and he tries to control me. He doesn't belittle me by calling me names or anything like that but he does question my decisions and/or actions and has started to sort of belittle my contributions as not being important as his. Which I can assure you, is ridiculous. Anyway, as I hope you can see, this is a very negative and disturbing pattern. He has been overbearing and sometimes to the point of stalking. Then, if he is happy, he will be Mr. Nice Guy for a while.

It wasn't always like this, although I believe he has always had these characteristics. He's just becoming more forceful. More controlling. And more mean about it.

I am beginning to see a great many aspects of his character that I didn't notice before, like how everything revolves around what feeds his ego. For instance the reason that I don't feel like I am actually loved by him is because he doesn't exactly love me for me, as in "who I am", but instead, he loves me for "what I do for him." That seems to sum him up in a nutshell. BTW, we've been together 10 yrs, married almost 8. He has stayed with me through some rough things, but it doesn't seem like it's because he loves me, it seems like it's more because he doesn't want to lose me as an "item" in his life. As something that has a material value in his life. Does that make sense? I'll give you the biggest example, he demands praise for everything he does (repeatedly), whereas, I never receive praise for anything.

Just an aside I want to add: His health is not all that great and I am expecting a poor diagnosis within time for an issue; possibly a tumor. I've been told twice that within the next year I might be expecting an inheritance from a partner or spouse. I find that an intriguing tidbit.

But more than anything, I am wondering what immediate dynamic can be seen in his or our charts that might illuminate why our relationship has gotten so OUT OF HAND! It truly is ridiculous. And if I am IN DANGER I want to know so that I can make a plan to leave!

I am most grateful for any insight or direction as to where I can look.

Peace,
Susan

(DDS is his chart; Grr8House is mine)

 

[Munch]

Could you post a synastry bi-wheel? They can be generated in the same place as the two natals you posted. It's so much easier than bouncing back and forth between the two.

 

[soratothamax]

yea composite chart would be easier.

First off I see right away a certain problem that you have that I'm familiar with. His Moon in Leo and your Moon in Scorpio. It is just like my mother's and I, and I often feel the EXACT way! She feels so controlling, domineering, and is always expecting praise! She talks about herself and ALWAYS "belittled" me indirectly. I'm the Scorpio in Moon and she's Leo.

But also I realized this was a perception of mine. Moon in scorpio isn't considered one of the best placements for the moon. It is hypersensitive, and it needs power and control, and so feels threatened by other powerful people. His moon needs to feed his ego in order to feel good. Moon really can be a big factor in two people getting along.

Somewhat, you being a Leo sun, this doesn't fit well with your "ego" either, which needs to be appreciated. your mars indicates a "changeable" man.

His Moon is in his 7th house so he looks to his partner to fulfill his emotional needs, which is a lot of attention and appreciation, a very demanding moon. He has a Venus square Jupiter aspect, making him place idealistic demands on his partners. He has this thing about his partners being insincere, and moon in scorpio has this feeling about it that can come off a but distrustful. He has trouble expressing his feelings. He may have had this issue. Venus Opposes Node. venus also opposition to Part of fortune.

You have a Moon Square Mercury that means you have a hard time between your head and your heart. Your mind tells you one thing, but your emotions tells you another. You struggle between a balance of irrationality and logic. Moon conjunct Neptune gives you a strong sensitivity and irrational fears. Venus Square Mars gives some conflict in relationships. You have strong desires and expectations, so it's hard to find someone to live up to it. YOu have a love-hate relationship with your partners. It's between competitive, anger, and frustration between you and the opposite sex. Abuse is present. You may give it or receive it. And one is quick to anger.

 

[Munch]

I also noticed that in your chart you have a natal Venus/Mars square which points towards discord in relationships. However, the signs involved are trine and the square is not super forceful, so I see this as more background but still playing a role.

 

[Rageypoo]

he's an aries Sun squaring a saturn 12th in domicile?? what is he hiding...

pluto in 7th opposing mars in 1st isn't that great either.

Do you have his permission to post this chart info? if not, I'd advise blotching out his personal stuff..

Uranus in natal 7th suggests he needs ALOT of freedom in relationships, he may even propose an open relationship at some point in the marriage, if he hasn't already, so if you try in any way to make him do anything he doesn't wanna do, he WILL rebel. I would not enjoy being in a relationship with a uranus 7th at all. And as pointed out before, that moon in 7th means that if you're not ready to praise him, he's gonna be a grumpy SOB.

your saturn 2nd doesn't help either, with neptune so close to moon, there could be some huge emotional/self confidence issues you deal with, how long have you two been married?

your moons definitely square, and there's a quincunx from your moon to his sun, however with the conj from his moon to your sun, and the conj from his venus to your NN, this is an interesting relationship, but I don't personally like your synastry, both of your venus oppose...and I'm a bit concerned with the pluto opposing mars. There's a pre-disposition for physical aggression or emotional battles, but the problem is with you in that respect, you feel threatened by his drive, and I wouldn't doubt his independence in relationships bug you. The LEO sun I feel is quite emotionally demanding, and his leo AC doesn't help for stiring drama either. I have no doubt that you're the one instigating the issues, and he's rising to the challenge with his aries sun, in some way perhaps, you're enjoying the drama, and with the scorpio moon, conj neptune AND squaring leo sun, I believe the problem here is not with him at all. There's quite a bit of disillusion in your life, that seems to stem from your mother, I'd take some time out to reflect on your own life, as a scorpio moon needs time to withdraw and reconcile their own personal feelings before going outward, don't neglect this important need Suzanne, there's nothing wrong with a scorpio moon, or a Leo sun, but together they can make a very, very undesirable person to be around if you do not take care of yourself first. Pluto square mercury in this composite shows cruelty in speech, and a need to dig into matters that aren't there, lighten up on one another, in particular it's squaring chiron, so these arguements are bringing up issues you've suffered from the past, it's time to transform and clear these old wounds, search for answers and don't run from these problems.

Aside from the questionable synastry grid, the composite chart is quite good, the amount of grand trines is wonderful, and the star of david is much welcomed, but I wonder about venus being in 12th...you two are hiding something from one another, which may be a good/bad thing, I really don't know since its part of the grand trine, I suspect one or both of you are seeing someone else, be it sexual or simply by neglecting eachother, creating the scenario but not living it out yet, just waiting for a push to do so, which is NOT healthy behavior. It can also simply be that you two are hiding yourselves from one another, fearing true intimacy, for whatever reason, which could be because both venus oppose, causing issues with not knowing how to relate and love one another. It is aspected well, so USE IT! don't hide from one another, instead dive deep withing one another and rely on eachother, create the much needed spiritual connection, you are married and took a vow to love eachother in sickness and in health before god, now is the time to capitalize on that truth and ask for help. this composite has GREAT promise, and I think you two need to utilize the powers here in a positive way, you two will both become better people with some realization, and restraint. Love one another, you two owe it to yourselves to reach your true potential, and this chart has a bunch of wonderful, powerful energies to use. The star of David, is so amazing to have, don't waste it, it's divine protection, this marriage, has more to offer than you realize.

 

[Grr8House]

Thank you Munch - I have posted the Synastry Wheel here. It's the first time I've seen one so I am unfamiliar with reading them. I am just becoming familiar with reading my own chart Thank you for your insights so far. I am going to get more in depth here as I read on...

Susan

 

[Grr8House]

Soratothamax,

I've posted a composite; I hope it's the right one.

I have become familiar with Moon in Scorpio and feel that it does describe me quite well. I think you bring up a good point which is that I need to start examining those parts of his chart for the same insight. Yes I am familiar with Leo - but Leo Sun...not Moon! Hmmm...it's no wonder I don't understand him and am at a point where I simply want to just...rebel! It sounds stupid coming from someone who is almost 50 but it's true.

You touched on some other very good points as well. Esp his Moon being in the 7th House and those aspects. I will be looking up the info and the nuances you pointed out asap.

Many thanks for your insights,
Susan

 

[Grr8House]

Rageypoo,

Thanks for the excellent advice on the privacy issue. I've corrected that on all the charts, as I've posted a synastry chart as well. I hadn't thought about that at all, so much appreciated.

Your review is eye-opening, to say the least. I have a great deal to think about but I will tell you that major issues do revolve around the first two things you listed in DDS's chart:

he's an aries Sun squaring a saturn 12th in domicile?? what is he hiding...

pluto in 7th opposing mars in 1st isn't that great either.

When I go to the interactive section at Astro.com and read those descriptions, you can apply those to DDS, then multiply them by 10 and then add some extra twist and meaness to them. DDS thrives on being ruthless, doesn't care if he offends anyone ("these people don't pay my bills or cut my grass!") calls people names in public, purposely does things to look like a tough guy, likes it that people tell him he looks intimidating (but he says, "really, I do?), uses angry loud communication quite often, so often in fact, that it's gotten to the point where I cringe if I think I've "forgotten" to do something, or he's gonna be unhappy about something, cause he's gonna *****.

Here's what Astro.com says:

"You sometime find it difficult to get along with others. You may feel picked on, as if people were working against you for no particular reason. However, that is not usually true. But without being aware of it, you may be doing things that set others against you. You are very intense about yourself, and you may give the impression unknowingly that you will do whatever you want and that nothing and no one will stand in your way. This can scare people, even when you have no intention of doing so."

Well, there is no impression about no one standing in DDS's way. He has said many times flat out, he will do whatever he wants and f**k anyone else. What I am saying is that with 10 years experience here, I have seen a man who is not cognizant of or sensitive to the feelings of others, even in a basic civil manner for pete's sake. I could go on here but I sense there is a lot that I don't know yet, since I really haven't gotten into his chart ever before. I just thought I would touch on that briefly.

I definitely want to cover what you touched on with regard to my chart also but the hour is late, so I hope to catch up tomorrow. I will be following up with the rest of this because the other things you've written here are VERY interesting. And I have some questions. For sure.

With the Holiday, that may be delayed..... just a leetle.
Thank you for such fantastic insight. You've given me a lot to think about and more so, I may be chasing you down for a chart reading for myself. I really do need one. There is some big life change stuff coming up for me soon, here in near future, so I hear

To All - Whatever you are celebrating - be it Holidays, Life, Love, Laughter,

Make Merry -
Susan

 

[soratothamax]

Rageypoo,

Thanks for the excellent advice on the privacy issue. I've corrected that on all the charts, as I've posted a synastry chart as well. I hadn't thought about that at all, so much appreciated.

Your review is eye-opening, to say the least. I have a great deal to think about but I will tell you that major issues do revolve around the first two things you listed in DDS's chart:

he's an aries Sun squaring a saturn 12th in domicile?? what is he hiding...

pluto in 7th opposing mars in 1st isn't that great either.

When I go to the interactive section at Astro.com and read those descriptions, you can apply those to DDS, then multiply them by 10 and then add some extra twist and meaness to them. DDS thrives on being ruthless, doesn't care if he offends anyone ("these people don't pay my bills or cut my grass!") calls people names in public, purposely does things to look like a tough guy, likes it that people tell him he looks intimidating (but he says, "really, I do?), uses angry loud communication quite often, so often in fact, that it's gotten to the point where I cringe if I think I've "forgotten" to do something, or he's gonna be unhappy about something, cause he's gonna *****.

Here's what Astro.com says:

"You sometime find it difficult to get along with others. You may feel picked on, as if people were working against you for no particular reason. However, that is not usually true. But without being aware of it, you may be doing things that set others against you. You are very intense about yourself, and you may give the impression unknowingly that you will do whatever you want and that nothing and no one will stand in your way. This can scare people, even when you have no intention of doing so."

Well, there is no impression about no one standing in DDS's way. He has said many times flat out, he will do whatever he wants and f**k anyone else. What I am saying is that with 10 years experience here, I have seen a man who is not cognizant of or sensitive to the feelings of others, even in a basic civil manner for pete's sake. I could go on here but I sense there is a lot that I don't know yet, since I really haven't gotten into his chart ever before. I just thought I would touch on that briefly.

I definitely want to cover what you touched on with regard to my chart also but the hour is late, so I hope to catch up tomorrow. I will be following up with the rest of this because the other things you've written here are VERY interesting. And I have some questions. For sure.

With the Holiday, that may be delayed..... just a leetle.
Thank you for such fantastic insight. You've given me a lot to think about and more so, I may be chasing you down for a chart reading for myself. I really do need one. There is some big life change stuff coming up for me soon, here in near future, so I hear

To All - Whatever you are celebrating - be it Holidays, Life, Love, Laughter,

Make Merry -
Susan

I've met a lot of men with Pisces in Mercury...and some of them really don't think before they speak AT ALL. It's not really always a good placement for Mercury. Really, though, I sense he's sensitive in certain aspects. But his Mars is in Pisces (like mine) and so his aggression can be indirect. All the Pisces in his personal planets signal to me that his environment influences some of his behavior. but his sun and moon are two egotistical signs, so his impression isn't always the best to others. Moon in Scorpio has a very solid face that hides deep emotions. It has the look "don't mess with me". It seems to be vindictive, and is quite the fighter, seeing as it is ruled by Mars and all. And then Moon in Scorpio holds in it's feelings, keeping it a secret, instead of addressing the issues. Moon in Scorpio has trust issues.

But leo moon does rule the sun, which rules "the self". Sometimes they might give the feeling that they are the center of their world, and everyone in it has to support them. this could also be deep-rooted insecurities. maybe he didn't get a lot of attention when younger, or maybe he got too much attention that he became self-centered. His feelings aren't always very sensitive to others, like yours would be. His Aries sun is courageous (often times foolish and a brawler). Aries with a Leo Moon is fearless, so I can imagine he doesn't seem to care about talking to people in any way. that's a lot of masculine energy and a need to dominate. because you have Libra in Venus, his Aries Sun is opposite, so that hardly seems like love to you, and you prefer a balanced partnership, and one with a little "class" and dignity. So it makes you a little uneasy.

 

[astrologer50]

Thank you Munch - I have posted the Synastry Wheel here. It's the first time I've seen one so I am unfamiliar with reading them. I am just becoming familiar with reading my own chart Thank you for your insights so far. I am going to get more in depth here as I read on...

Susan

To start with it's best to look at the individual needs of each persons chart and how they relate and what they are looking for.

If you post the synastry chart and realise it doesn’t show the degrees (which we need to look at) you can find the degrees and other information in a separate PDF on the synastry page of astro.com. Look for the link "View the additional tables (PDF)" and click on it to see the additional information. Reading a synastry chart is mainly about reading the aspects between the planets in the two charts. So once you find the PDF, scroll down to the bottom of the page and look in the synastry grid that is there. Unfortunately, you can only see/read these and not save/upload. That’s why I like to see both natal’s and composite. This grid (in my opinion) has too many minor aspects and the orbs are quite wide. I like to use + - max 3’

posting a synastry bi wheel from astro.com remember to reduce the *orbs* to 40% and maximum orb should be 3’

When looking at a woman’s chart the type of man she would look for is her sun sign and mars traits, plus 7th house planets and house cusp ruler and where that ruler was deposited.
When looking at a mans chart for the type of woman he would look for is his venus and moon sign and then 7th house planets and house cusp ruler and where that ruler was deposited.

Although synastry is a valuable tool with astrology it cannot 'make things happen' even if you have the best synastry in the world unfortunately.

In synastry I use tight orbs and view aspects between one person's outer planets to the other person's inner planets as being "karmic connections"......usually with the outer planet person doing the teaching and the inner planet person doing the learning.

If you want to research more into synastry try here
http://cafeastrology.com/astrology_of_relationships.html
http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/interchartaspects.html
http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry_house_overlays.html
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastry.html
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastry-houses.html
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastryaspects.html
http://www.cosmitec-astrological-compatibility-advice.com/astrology-marriage.html
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17513
http://www.astrotheme.com/synastry_advice.php
http://www.astrology-x-files.com/synastry/ascendant.html
http://astrologyfiles.com/free-horoscope-matching/
http://www.skyviewzone.com/lovematch/sunsynastryhouse.htm

Relationship sticky
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28945
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showpost.php?p=254409&postcount=9