Never-ending divorce

[astro_novice]

3+ years ago, when I had Neptune opposed Moon for the first pass, I received the divorce filing from my wife's lawyer. Preceding that, I had Saturn opposed Venus/DC. I didn’t pay much attention to that, but it turned out that twice in the last 30 years when I had this transit, it was when my girlfriend or my wife abandoned the relationship. And then I had Pluto opposed DC, Saturn square IC, Uranus conjunct IC, Pluto opposed Venus. The whole divorce has just wrecked me and any of my financial plans. With all these outer planet transits over IC/DC/Venus, my life has been just terrible.

I wanted to finalize my divorce settlement at the beginning of this year 2024. The meeting took place a few days away from the exact hit of Pluto opposes Venus for the third pass possibly. It turned out that meeting was extremely unfruitful. Nothing came out of it, even when I was ready to accept most of the terms in favor of my wife.

Then came the first pass of Saturn opposing my Sun/Mars this April. I again expected that I was going to sign the final settlement with my wife, but it didn't happen. I brought it up to her, and she went through another episode of volcanic anger. I will have the second pass of this transit in September and third pass next January. Do I need to force my way out of this marriage when I simply can't stand another minute of the sexless marriage? Her Sun position is almost exactly opposite of my Sun. When I experience any transits to my Sun/Mars, her Sun by default will experience similar transits with 180 degree difference.

All along I kept an open mind that she and I may reconcile on the condition that I supplement my need with paid sex or sex without any emotional attachment when I need it. Due to her discomfort during sex, I don’t want my wife to feel compelled to physically put up with me every week. However, she has refused this kind of reconciliation so far. Instead, she wants us to stay “married” but just don't touch her while I can go out and have as much sex as I want. But I made it very clear to her that sex without love is not something that I enjoy at all, and thus I insist that my marriage with her cannot be completely sexless.

I have triple Neptune trine Venus and Uranus trine AC transits now. When I had Uranus trine Venus maybe 5 years ago, I didn’t do anything that would be considered as infidelity by most people. I would have missed a big chunk of these transits, if I continue to comply with her demand on absolutely no relationship of any kind before moving out of the house.

I have patiently waited until this April, until I suddenly realize that my wife’s Progressed Sun changing House doesn’t begin this April, but possibly rather next June. I probably mis-rectified her chart for so many years because I used an interstate move to calibrate her birth-time, but instead, I probably should have used her marriage plus international moves to calibrate her birth-time.

My own Progressed Sun changing House is coming up as well, a couple of years right behind hers And I also have Progressed Venus and Mercury changing Signs right now, overlapping with my upcoming Progressed Sun changing House.

My last Progressed Sun changing Sign was the date that I finally realized that there is absolutely no way that I can live in a totally sexless marriage for decades. My marriage is already 26 years now and counting, and 19 years of that are just totally sexless for two extremely long periods. Throughout these years, I simply put my needs behind everything and everyone else. My family is happy, but I’m not.

I have requested meeting with her lawyer since January for a few times, and now it’s almost July and her lawyer still hasn't given me an appointment time. I wanted to either reconcile or sign the settlement with her while I’m still living in the house amicably and faithful to her. If I do leave physically, then she knows that I am giving her the message that it is totally game over. I don’t want her anger to spill into the settlement negotiation. She made it clear that she is ready to waste all the assets that we accumulated on lawyers and courts, if she simply wants her revenge back of me destroying the family. I, on the other hand, try to do as much as I can to keep the assets away from legal cost and taxes, so that my (and her) children can inherit more. And I try to do everything in my power to keep her sanity intact and keep her happy. However, she is procrastinating by nature, and she can stay in this nebulous state and sexless marriage for another three decades without any problems. By then, I will probably be dead.

I don’t know what I should do and what I can do now. I have tried all possible things for my marriage, even making appointments for her on marriage counseling or on her sex issues, all getting cancelled, except one. If I try to leave the house, or try to bifurcate on divorce (terminating married status without financial settlement), she will be very mad and the current settlement of some 63% for her and 37% for me will get even worse (plus me paying all college tuition, cars, all children’s expenses before they finish post-graduate schools). I’m so old that it’s impossible for me to rebuild, and having money is important. What’s worse than giving her more money is wasting money on lawyers, courts, taxes, and inflation. Her only investment choice is cash. I can’t even imagine how much may be left in another twenty years, when a burger without drink will cost $20.

Soon, our summer family vacation is coming up. Whether I’m divorced or not by then, I will be paying for the entire cost, out of my own pocket, or out of joint assets. Our children still don’t know anything. I intend to keep it that way until it can’t be kept as a secret anymore.

It almost seems that I will be wasting my Neptune trine Venus transits on drawing up transistors in regular pattern to reduce silicon cost by half for my employer. I guess my natal Saturn square 8th house stellium overrides even outer planet transits?

If I am not divorced before next January when Saturn finishes squaring my Sun/Mars, I probably won't get out of this sexless marriage ever. Any suggestions?

 

[katydid]

wow. You have done a stellar job mapping out and predicting future based upon past patterns. Well Done.

However it is probably not very satisfying for you if you feel locked in by the prognostications.

All those 8th house Virgo planets have you trapped in your head maybe? You can see it all, know how it's going to go down, and there is nothing you can do about it?

That's the feeling I get from reading your synopsis. You have all the necessary data and worked it all out but it is useless if it just plays out in your head....

Here is what is important now:

"Then came the first pass of Saturn opposing my Sun/Mars this April. I again expected that I was going to sign the final settlement with my wife, but it didn't happen. I brought it up to her, and she went through another episode of volcanic anger. I will have the second pass of this transit in September ---

[IMO, You need to make a stronger effort during the 2nd pass, just my opinion. You cannot avoid the volcanic anger forever. The lava will flow. But if you don't make a big step you will stay stuck]

"...and third pass next January. Do I need to force my way out of this marriage when I simply can't stand another minute of the sexless marriage?

[Yes, you do need to force your way out because she is not going anywhere, most likely. But only if you can be truthful and bring it all out of the shadows. It cannot just be about a sexless marriage. It is much bigger than that. Labeling it as that diminishes your justifications for needing to leave]

Her Sun position is almost exactly opposite of my Sun. When I experience any transits to my Sun/Mars, her Sun by default will experience similar transits with 180 degree difference."

[Makes sense. You have the opposite point of view]


OKAY,
What about YOUR attorney? Can't your attorney set up an imminent appointment to knock this thing out? Her story is not going to answer to YOU.

And why and how can you all go on the annual family vacation and not let the kids 'know' anything?

You don't think they already know? Kids are psychic sponges.



Make it happen. Get your attorney to make it happen. OR just stay there living together in the house and pretend it's all OK, and you will never leave. I agree with that prediction you made.

You have done so much mental work and processing but have made almost no progress---makes me wonder if you are trapped in your head and are afraid to make these bold moves?

 

[astro_novice]

Oh, I do know exactly what I can do to move forward legally by filing bifurcation, etc.

But if I do that, my wife will think that I can't wait to desert her. I promised her that I will still take care of her in many ways. She is extremely sensitive and I am just trying to "leave" in the least "destructive" way for everyone involved. She and I will continue to maintain some resemblance of family for our adult kids. I don't know what kind of "single" or "married" life that I will have if the divorce goes through. Nothing will be normal for sure.

 

[BlackStar]

3+ years ago, when I had Neptune opposed Moon for the first pass, I received the divorce filing from my wife's lawyer. Preceding that, I had Saturn opposed Venus/DC. I didn’t pay much attention to that, but it turned out that twice in the last 30 years when I had this transit, it was when my girlfriend or my wife abandoned the relationship. And then I had Pluto opposed DC, Saturn square IC, Uranus conjunct IC, Pluto opposed Venus. The whole divorce has just wrecked me and any of my financial plans. With all these outer planet transits over IC/DC/Venus, my life has been just terrible.

I wanted to finalize my divorce settlement at the beginning of this year 2024. The meeting took place a few days away from the exact hit of Pluto opposes Venus for the third pass possibly. It turned out that meeting was extremely unfruitful. Nothing came out of it, even when I was ready to accept most of the terms in favor of my wife.

Then came the first pass of Saturn opposing my Sun/Mars this April. I again expected that I was going to sign the final settlement with my wife, but it didn't happen. I brought it up to her, and she went through another episode of volcanic anger. I will have the second pass of this transit in September and third pass next January. Do I need to force my way out of this marriage when I simply can't stand another minute of the sexless marriage? Her Sun position is almost exactly opposite of my Sun. When I experience any transits to my Sun/Mars, her Sun by default will experience similar transits with 180 degree difference.

All along I kept an open mind that she and I may reconcile on the condition that I supplement my need with paid sex or sex without any emotional attachment when I need it. Due to her discomfort during sex, I don’t want my wife to feel compelled to physically put up with me every week. However, she has refused this kind of reconciliation so far. Instead, she wants us to stay “married” but just don't touch her while I can go out and have as much sex as I want. But I made it very clear to her that sex without love is not something that I enjoy at all, and thus I insist that my marriage with her cannot be completely sexless.

I have triple Neptune trine Venus and Uranus trine AC transits now. When I had Uranus trine Venus maybe 5 years ago, I didn’t do anything that would be considered as infidelity by most people. I would have missed a big chunk of these transits, if I continue to comply with her demand on absolutely no relationship of any kind before moving out of the house.

I have patiently waited until this April, until I suddenly realize that my wife’s Progressed Sun changing House doesn’t begin this April, but possibly rather next June. I probably mis-rectified her chart for so many years because I used an interstate move to calibrate her birth-time, but instead, I probably should have used her marriage plus international moves to calibrate her birth-time.

My own Progressed Sun changing House is coming up as well, a couple of years right behind hers And I also have Progressed Venus and Mercury changing Signs right now, overlapping with my upcoming Progressed Sun changing House.

My last Progressed Sun changing Sign was the date that I finally realized that there is absolutely no way that I can live in a totally sexless marriage for decades. My marriage is already 26 years now and counting, and 19 years of that are just totally sexless for two extremely long periods. Throughout these years, I simply put my needs behind everything and everyone else. My family is happy, but I’m not.

I have requested meeting with her lawyer since January for a few times, and now it’s almost July and her lawyer still hasn't given me an appointment time. I wanted to either reconcile or sign the settlement with her while I’m still living in the house amicably and faithful to her. If I do leave physically, then she knows that I am giving her the message that it is totally game over. I don’t want her anger to spill into the settlement negotiation. She made it clear that she is ready to waste all the assets that we accumulated on lawyers and courts, if she simply wants her revenge back of me destroying the family. I, on the other hand, try to do as much as I can to keep the assets away from legal cost and taxes, so that my (and her) children can inherit more. And I try to do everything in my power to keep her sanity intact and keep her happy. However, she is procrastinating by nature, and she can stay in this nebulous state and sexless marriage for another three decades without any problems. By then, I will probably be dead.

I don’t know what I should do and what I can do now. I have tried all possible things for my marriage, even making appointments for her on marriage counseling or on her sex issues, all getting cancelled, except one. If I try to leave the house, or try to bifurcate on divorce (terminating married status without financial settlement), she will be very mad and the current settlement of some 63% for her and 37% for me will get even worse (plus me paying all college tuition, cars, all children’s expenses before they finish post-graduate schools). I’m so old that it’s impossible for me to rebuild, and having money is important. What’s worse than giving her more money is wasting money on lawyers, courts, taxes, and inflation. Her only investment choice is cash. I can’t even imagine how much may be left in another twenty years, when a burger without drink will cost $20.

Soon, our summer family vacation is coming up. Whether I’m divorced or not by then, I will be paying for the entire cost, out of my own pocket, or out of joint assets. Our children still don’t know anything. I intend to keep it that way until it can’t be kept as a secret anymore.

It almost seems that I will be wasting my Neptune trine Venus transits on drawing up transistors in regular pattern to reduce silicon cost by half for my employer. I guess my natal Saturn square 8th house stellium overrides even outer planet transits?

If I am not divorced before next January when Saturn finishes squaring my Sun/Mars, I probably won't get out of this sexless marriage ever. Any suggestions?

Wow, you have so much going on - both in your life, and your current transiting chart.
Here are my observations, and I really hope to be able to help you:
1) Transiting Pluto in the 1st house is telling me that you've become a much stronger, confident person in the past couple of years. This ordeal is making you a no-nonsence, determined person. Good for you.
2) Transiting Saturn is currently in your 2nd house = your finances. You DON'T WANT TO NEGOTIATE, AND MAKE SETTLEMENTS, AND DIVORCE till saturn exits your 2nd house, and enters the 3rd. Be happy and grateful for not having finalized your divorce at this point.
3) Your natal Saturn is found in your 5th house. This means that your love life either involved persons with a considerable age difference (much older when you were younger, and much younger as you mature). However, it also brings a pattern of celibacy, or sexless relations. Not sure if you believe in past lives, but if such laws of nature exist, you may have had issues with your partner(s) in previous lives, preventing a satisfactory, regular sex encounter with them in this life. Saturn is the austere teacher, and when found in the house of fun, flirting, and creativity, it seems that the universe wants to make you more accountable, dependable, and serious in your love connections. If you work on this lesson sooner, you'll have much more fun in the years to come. See item 4 below:
4) Your 7th house with Venus in Leo. When transiting Jupiter (which is now in Gemini) enters your 7th house cusp, you'll have a pleasant surprise. Either you will gain peace of mind, by stopping any dialogue with your current wife, OR you will meet another significant other, that will be long-term relationship material.

Wishing you all the best!

 

[astro_novice]

Thanks, BlackStar.
As far as I can tell from my own transits, this may come to a resolution next Jan to March in 2025. It ends with

Pluto finishing the last pass opposing my Venus (after conjuncting AC).
Saturn finishing the last pass opposing my Saturn/Mars.
Saturn does one-hit pass opposing my Moon.

Everytime Saturn hits the core of my being, Sun/Mars (in 8th), along with Mercury & Moon, by opposition or conjunction, I went through hell in the past. One of the time, I lost over one third of my net worth due to my parents-in-law legal affairs. The other time, I lost part of my scholarship, and almost couldn't graduate.

I'm already prepared to lose almost 60% of my net worth if I divorce this time. Hope it's not worse than that.

I don't know if I can escape this natal curse of Saturn in 5th. I'm always a person of "no-fun". But then, my 8th house of sex is PACKED with five planets. Then I'm given a high integrity with Jupiter right at 11th & 12th house, with Pluto/Neptune sextile/trine my Venus for higher love. It's a torture of having strong sexual drives but no fulfillment, and it's something that I cannot alter. Second to pure survival, the innate sexual need just cannot be glossed over.

I feel like I may be wasting my once-in-a-lifetime Uranus trine AC, and Neptune trine Venus triple transits that are already underway.

The next few years, I will also have progressed Venus/Mercury and then progressed Sun changing signs & houses. It will be some biggie things for sure, just like all the past progressed Venus/Mercury/Sun changing signs/houses that have denoted all sorts of events in my life.

If I'm a third-party astrologer, I will say that for sure I will be divorced with adverse transits from Pluto/Neptune/Uranus/Saturn hitting DC/Venus/IC/Moon/Sun/Mars in the span of about 3 to 4 years. But I had a happy conversation with my wife just yesterday. Maybe we could "reconcile".