Please give me some hope...

[NoMore]

Greetings. I'm 31 (f)...I think I'm at the lowest point in my life. Nothing went according to plan. As a child I was happy, above all (it's bad to say it) because I grew up in my home town far from my father (he had gone abroad, then we joined him too)... I was pampered and respected by my paternal grandmother , from my still unmarried uncles (I am the eldest daughter of the eldest son of the house), from the teachers and I was simply lively, happy and very "performing" in everything. At 8 years old I went to live with my parents in Italy and my perception of myself changed a little there. At school I learn the new language quickly, in a few months I am already among the top of the class also in grammar and I receive compliments from the teachers, integrating very well with my classmates. Everything would be fine if I didn't have my father at home...for him I'm "clumsy", I can feel it from the way he looks at me, from the way he talks about me...he wants me to be more "open" with guests when they come to the house , more interested in household chores (although I also expect a lot in the school environment)... I'm only 9/10 years old, I can see that I'm very good at school, I'm friendly with everyone (I also make friends with the school janitors) and I'm already "popular" despite just arriving in a foreign country...yet my father doesn't seem to see any of this. Just because at 10 years old...I'm a 10 year old girl. I will never understand how she didn't notice how sociable I was, easygoing to everyone, ambitious in school...I don't understand why that wasn't enough...why. From there my life was just a downward drift of mistakes and insecurity... yet I was so promising, I was carefree, I was optimistic, I was studious, I was loved by everyone. Because he wanted to ruin my self-esteem forever. I don't feel like continuing the story, there's so much more to say and it just hurts me. I was born on 09/23/1992 at 2:30 am in North Macedonia. I would just like to know if there is even a small glimmer of improvement in my miserable, pathetic, unhappy life. Thank you

 

[katydid]

Thank You for adding your chart.

Can you translate to English for this forum. I know you originally did so.

 

[Nexus7]

What would make your life better?

You have Jupiter in your 2nd House not far off your Sun, indicating that you could probably find openings that would allow you to move away from the orbit of toxic family members.

I am struck by that Moon/Saturn opposition straddling your Asc/Desc axis. That really amplifiés both planets, and it will always be there. Your Leo Moon, with a childlike hunger for acceptance and appreciation, and the harsh critical side of Saturn. If it were not your father, the barrage of self criticism may come from within, and certainly that could lead to some very unhappy states of mind. Moon/Saturn issues can be painful, but if the things you have already achieved are for real, then these cannot be taken away from you.

Your father may not be necessarily purely have the agenda of destroying your self esteem, he may just be an unhappy person himself, with issues he is projecting on you.

Not sure whether your Saturn will manifest most within the arena of relationships, or within the workplace.

How do you see yourself regarding work? Would you prefer to work for yourself?

 

[tobby]

The source of the problem that you describe is obviously the tight opposition of Saturn to both your Moon and Ascendant, and the energy of this aspect manifests through the toxic behavior of your father towards you. He obviously is a narcissist and a troubled person with no regard for other people's feelings. This is a tough aspect that will require work and adjustments from your side in order for its energy to be handled. Pluto in the fourth house is also an indication that you have faced various complicated and intense situations related your family and home environment.

On the other hand you happen to have one of the most positive aspects that can be found in a natal chart: Sun Conjunction Jupiter. This is an amazingly helpful aspect, a precious gift that will always be a source of strength and support to you. It may be out of sign because your Sun is in Libra and Jupiter in Virgo but it's still there and in tight orb, plus Jupiter is not afflicted by any planet.

Mars Sextile Midheaven is another positive and useful aspect you have and could be helpful in your professional life.

 

[NoMore]

Thank You for adding your chart.

Can you translate to English for this forum. I know you originally did so.

Oh God I'm sorry, I thought I had put the translated version...I proceeded to modify it and put the English version, I hope it's understandable because I used Google translate

 

[NoMore]

Thank You for adding your chart.

Can you translate to English for this forum. I know you originally did so.

What would make your life better?

You have Jupiter in your 2nd House not far off your Sun, indicating that you could probably find openings that would allow you to move away from the orbit of toxic family members.

I am struck by that Moon/Saturn opposition straddling your Asc/Desc axis. That really amplifiés both planets, and it will always be there. Your Leo Moon, with a childlike hunger for acceptance and appreciation, and the harsh critical side of Saturn. If it were not your father, the barrage of self criticism may come from within, and certainly that could lead to some very unhappy states of mind. Moon/Saturn issues can be painful, but if the things you have already achieved are for real, then these cannot be taken away from you.

Your father may not be necessarily purely have the agenda of destroying your self esteem, he may just be an unhappy person himself, with issues he is projecting on you.

Not sure whether your Saturn will manifest most within the arena of relationships, or within the workplace.

How do you see yourself regarding work? Would you prefer to work for yourself?

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply to me. My father is a "self-made" man, from the age of 16 he had to roll up his sleeves and lift the entire family out of poverty (we speak of an Albanian family in the former Yugoslavia, despite being very successful at school it was impossible to have a career as an Albanian)... he emigrated to Italy at just 16 years old and managed to set up a business that today has more than 20 workers, he has always made us live well off and we have always bent over backwards for us. Besides that...it's a virgin. I feel so much tenderness for him who has never been able to afford the luxury of being "vulnerable" and has always had to appear strong. In short, with this background it is easy to understand why he is the way he is...but he hurt me a lot without wanting to. I didn't know about this Saturn - Moon/ASc opposition... I would say that this manifested itself both in the sentimental field (toxic relationship with a paranoid/borderline husband who has always accused me of not loving him even though I have literally abandoned everything for him and even though he is also went against my father), both in the work world as it doesn't allow me to work and consequently express my potential... I would have a lot to try and express creatively (I would write a book), but I would also be content with doing the cleaning for I work...and yet I am hindered. I have always been under the control of my father and subsequently of my husband (also consider the culture I come from)...I have an 11 year old son and I have never wanted to separate for him...but even if I wanted to I don't have the right economic independence. I'm seriously thinking about separation, I don't know if there is some glimmer of hope in store for me to be able to "fight" without causing too many problems (my father doesn't support me because I gave up my studies for this person and everything...going precisely against him) ...I apologize for my Google Translate English, I hope it's not too weird

 

[NoMore]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply to me. My father is a "self-made" man, from the age of 16 he had to roll up his sleeves and lift the entire family out of poverty (we speak of an Albanian family in the former Yugoslavia, despite being very successful at school it was impossible to have a career as an Albanian)... he emigrated to Italy at just 16 years old and managed to set up a business that today has more than 20 workers, he has always made us live well off and we have always bent over backwards for us. Besides that...it's a virgin. I feel so much tenderness for him who has never been able to afford the luxury of being "vulnerable" and has always had to appear strong. In short, with this background it is easy to understand why he is the way he is...but he hurt me a lot without wanting to. I didn't know about this Saturn - Moon/ASc opposition... I would say that this manifested itself both in the sentimental field (toxic relationship with a paranoid/borderline husband who has always accused me of not loving him even though I have literally abandoned everything for him and even though he is also went against my father), both in the work world as it doesn't allow me to work and consequently express my potential... I would have a lot to try and express creatively (I would write a book), but I would also be content with doing the cleaning for I work...and yet I am hindered. I have always been under the control of my father and subsequently of my husband (also consider the culture I come from)...I have an 11 year old son and I have never wanted to separate for him...but even if I wanted to I don't have the right economic independence. I'm seriously thinking about separation, I don't know if there is some glimmer of hope in store for me to be able to "fight" without causing too many problems (my father doesn't support me because I gave up my studies for this person and everything...going precisely against him) ...I apologize for my Google Translate English, I hope it's not too weird

it's a virgo* not virgin

 

[NoMore]

The source of the problem that you describe is obviously the tight opposition of Saturn to both your Moon and Ascendant, and the energy of this aspect manifests through the toxic behavior of your father towards you. He obviously is a narcissist and a troubled person with no regard for other people's feelings. This is a tough aspect that will require work and adjustments from your side in order for its energy to be handled. Pluto in the fourth house is also an indication that you have faced various complicated and intense situations related your family and home environment.

On the other hand you happen to have one of the most positive aspects that can be found in a natal chart: Sun Conjunction Jupiter. This is an amazingly helpful aspect, a precious gift that will always be a source of strength and support to you. It may be out of sign because your Sun is in Libra and Jupiter in Virgo but it's still there and in tight a orb, while Jupiter is not afflicted by any planet.

Mars Sextile Midheaven is another positive and useful aspect you have.

Hi, thank you for taking the time to reply to me. It heartens me to know that I also have some positive aspects... I hope to be able to exploit them sooner or later. Unfortunately I have always had this feeling of being able to do a lot in life but not being able to do it due to the freedom limited first by my father and then by my husband....

 

[Nexus7]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply to me. My father is a "self-made" man, from the age of 16 he had to roll up his sleeves and lift the entire family out of poverty (we speak of an Albanian family in the former Yugoslavia, despite being very successful at school it was impossible to have a career as an Albanian)... he emigrated to Italy at just 16 years old and managed to set up a business that today has more than 20 workers, he has always made us live well off and we have always bent over backwards for us. Besides that...it's a virgin. I feel so much tenderness for him who has never been able to afford the luxury of being "vulnerable" and has always had to appear strong. In short, with this background it is easy to understand why he is the way he is...but he hurt me a lot without wanting to. I didn't know about this Saturn - Moon/ASc opposition... I would say that this manifested itself both in the sentimental field (toxic relationship with a paranoid/borderline husband who has always accused me of not loving him even though I have literally abandoned everything for him and even though he is also went against my father), both in the work world as it doesn't allow me to work and consequently express my potential... I would have a lot to try and express creatively (I would write a book), but I would also be content with doing the cleaning for I work...and yet I am hindered. I have always been under the control of my father and subsequently of my husband (also consider the culture I come from)...I have an 11 year old son and I have never wanted to separate for him...but even if I wanted to I don't have the right economic independence. I'm seriously thinking about separation, I don't know if there is some glimmer of hope in store for me to be able to "fight" without causing too many problems (my father doesn't support me because I gave up my studies for this person and everything...going precisely against him) ...I apologize for my Google Translate English, I hope it's not too weird

So Saturn manifests as your husband as well as your father, if your husband doesn't allow you to work.

Do you live in Italy now? You wrote about how well you had integrated into Italian culture, and language-wise you clearly have too. Is this something that your husband and father have less of, so that they try and exert control over you, to maintain the upper hand? Do you have Italian citizenship? That latter should surely confer you more rights as a potentially financially independent citizen than you might have otherwise. It seems to be the norm for Italian women to enjoy lucrative careers.

You chart does show a lot of aspect patterns that don't integrate so much with the rest of your chart, so it could be that many aspects of your life may exist in compartmentalised islands. You 9th House ruler, Mars, is in a somewhat isolated square to Mercury, which may or may not point to possible legal issues with your status that may need resolving to move forward. It certainly could indicate the kind of cutting exchanges that may take place with those around you. But with Venus as your 10th House ruler, it might be that taking the high road could help smooth things with those people who stand in opposition to you. Your Venus is unaspected though, so that this could seem like unfamiliar territory.



.

 

[tobby]

I would say that this manifested itself both in the sentimental field (toxic relationship with a paranoid/borderline husband who has always accused me of not loving him even though I have literally abandoned everything for him and even though he is also went against my father), both in the work world as it doesn't allow me to work and consequently express my potential... I would have a lot to try and express creatively (I would write a book), but I would also be content with doing the cleaning for I work...and yet I am hindered.

You mean that you'd like to get a job but your husband doesn't allow you to? If this is the case then your husband is crossing the limits. Nobody has the right to prevent you from getting a job.

 

[Nexus7]

You mean that you'd like to get a job but your husband doesn't allow you to? If this is the case then your husband is crossing the limits. Nobody has the right to prevent you from getting a job.

It may be a cultural thing. There are still a lot of places in the world that do try to keep all women away from the workplace, alas

 

[tobby]

It may be a cultural thing. There are still a lot of places in the world that do try to keep all women away from the workplace, alas

If anybody is indeed trying to prevent her from getting a job she should contact the authorities to see what could be done about it, get educated regarding her rights, seek help online etc. I'm all for astrology but discussing her chart cannot help her in a situation like that. If she decides to take even a small step forward it would be infinitely more beneficial than any astrological advice we could ever give her.

 

[Nexus7]

If anybody is indeed trying to prevent her from getting a job she should contact the authorities to see what could be done about it, get educated regarding her rights, seek help online etc. I'm all for astrology but discussing her chart cannot help her in a situation like that. If she decides to take even a small step forward it would be infinitely more beneficial than any astrological advice we could ever give her.

Could an astrologer help a woman in Afghanistan? I suppose then all you could do is suggest hope at the sight of a helpful natal aspect, and some transits that might indicate a good time to seek freedom.

Moon/Saturn once turned around could produce an excellent professional chef or caterer. But difficult life circumstances can make it very difficult to realise chart potentials. Most people born in poverty in the UK or US will never realise the glittering potentials of their charts. It takes a very exceptional person to be able to do all that, and those who do may not do it because they are nice people. But in this case, having citizenship in an EU country might confer more rights and the feasibility of striking out than otherwise.

 

[NoMore]

Thank you once again for the replies. I read and didn't respond immediately because I'm overwhelmed by the circumstances and the details and often I can't talk about it anymore, I distance myself. I have Albanian origins (Albanians are an ancient european people, who have preserved their traditions even today, just think that until the 1990s the ancient Albanian code of honor "Kanun" was used, often superimposed on legal law), I can't say that we are like Afghanistan or India because for us women have their own authority and many women enjoy full freedom...but there has still been Turkish influence for 500 years and the patriarchy is strong , also often combined with Islamic religious ideology. Let's say that one still has great consideration for "honor", family, hierarchies. Considering this, there is also personal character and I have had an overly controlling father. He often terrified me with words (if you do this I will do this and this to you) but in reality he never did anything to me, no physical violence. Yet I'm terrified of him, he's an authoritative figure for everyone I know, not just at home. He sacrificed his whole life for us and didn't let us lack anything, and for this I am grateful to him (he never lived out his youth, from the age of 16 he worked and built a nice business in Italy). I grew up in Italy from the age of 8 onwards... so I grew up divided between two realities (although both European, Italy has a much more enjoyable and relaxed mentality than the Albanian one focused entirely on "honour" and tradition) and I feel part Italian. I know that it is impossible to help me technically by going into details, I also know that there is too much confusing and detailed information, without an overall vision. I would just like an opinion on certain aspects of my birth chart or on the incoming transits... I would like to know if my birth transits predict an improvement after 30 or will my life always be like this? Or if there is a more optimistic transit coming because I know that I have an opposition of Neptune to the sun underway now (read from an app) and therefore I only see negative transits... I would like to know if there is something positive in the sky for me. I apologize if it is difficult to understand the English of Google Translate and for exaggerating with such chaotic information

 

[NoMore]

y

You mean that you'd like to get a job but your husband doesn't allow you to? If this is the case then your husband is crossing the limits. Nobody has the right to prevent you from getting a job

If anybody is indeed trying to prevent her from getting a job she should contact the authorities to see what could be done about it, get educated regarding her rights, seek help online etc. I'm all for astrology but discussing her chart cannot help her in a situation like that. If she decides to take even a small step forward it would be infinitely more beneficial than any astrological advice we could ever give her.

Yes, my husband doesn't let me work...but I explained the family background in detail to say that, in fact, in certain cultural circumstances this is not considered abuse. It is as if it were "socially acceptable"...many women work without problems but it is also accepted that some husbands do not let other women work...We are not yet at the level of emancipation achieved in some more developed countries...And it is not even as much a cultural discussion as it is the character of my extremely paranoid, obsessive and jealous husband.He always thought I didn't love him, even when I gave up everything for him and moved in with him at just 18...I surrendered to the fact that he will never understand how much I genuinely loved him and how many sacrifices I made. for him, how many situations I gave up for him. He will never understand it and I will always be the one who doesn't love him enough... Before I was desperate, it hurt me so much to think that he didn't see how much I had done for him... while other women don't have to endure anything extreme to have their love recognized . Now I have accepted it, it will always be like this (he is Gemini with asc in Scorpio, moon in Virgo and Venus in Cancer) I cannot change him, perhaps he will understand how much I genuinely loved and did for him only before I died and perhaps when I am not there I will be more. He has a much more abusive and dysfunctional family than mine, he has to deal with both narcissistic parents, who tend to deceive... they exploited us for years every summer by making us work in the family restaurant (very tiring) and they never let us given money...They exploited us and then made us leave at the end of the season so that we wouldn't be a "burden" economically. So we went back to Italy to my parents... we got a new house etc, until again in the summer they called us to go and help them. This is the first years of marriage (the first 6 years), just when you are young and want to enjoy some trips with your spouse....we have never been able to enjoy a summer. Despite this, I tolerated it without saying a word because I knew that he had a very delicate relationship with them (he is completely manipulated by them, he is afraid of them, he knows that they are abusive but he is also dominated by them)... out of respect and love for him I endured this heaviness for years, along with various humiliations. Yet it was never enough. He always accused me of not loving him...and now I really don't love him anymore. It wore me out psychologically. Only later did I understand that I was dealing with a highly unstable person (in adolescence he even attempted suicide due to problems with his parents... and he told me this only years after the wedding), much more traumatized by me and with big problems... and I'm "sick" too by now. Because I wasn't strong enough to understand that I was suffering so much abuse... and I wasn't exactly because I had a father who left me with an eternal insecurity that I will always carry with me. Now I know all this but I don't know how to continue...It's difficult. That's why I ask if there is some positive transit in the future, to have hope... to be able to hold on to that. Or if in my birth chart there is also some transit that suggests improvement after the age of 30...

 

[tobby]

Yes, my husband doesn't let me work...but I explained the family background in detail to say that, in fact, in certain cultural circumstances this is not considered abuse. It is as if it were "socially acceptable"...many women work without problems but it is also accepted that some husbands do not let other women work...We are not yet at the level of emancipation achieved in some more developed countries...And it is not even as much a cultural discussion as it is the character of my extremely paranoid, obsessive and jealous husband.He always thought I didn't love him, even when I gave up everything for him and moved in with him at just 18...I surrendered to the fact that he will never understand how much I genuinely loved him and how many sacrifices I made. for him, how many situations I gave up for him. He will never understand it and I will always be the one who doesn't love him enough... Before I was desperate, it hurt me so much to think that he didn't see how much I had done for him... while other women don't have to endure anything extreme to have their love recognized . Now I have accepted it, it will always be like this (he is Gemini with asc in Scorpio, moon in Virgo and Venus in Cancer) I cannot change him, perhaps he will understand how much I genuinely loved and did for him only before I died and perhaps when I am not there I will be more. He has a much more abusive and dysfunctional family than mine, he has to deal with both narcissistic parents, who tend to deceive... they exploited us for years every summer by making us work in the family restaurant (very tiring) and they never let us given money...They exploited us and then made us leave at the end of the season so that we wouldn't be a "burden" economically. So we went back to Italy to my parents... we got a new house etc, until again in the summer they called us to go and help them. This is the first years of marriage (the first 6 years), just when you are young and want to enjoy some trips with your spouse....we have never been able to enjoy a summer. Despite this, I tolerated it without saying a word because I knew that he had a very delicate relationship with them (he is completely manipulated by them, he is afraid of them, he knows that they are abusive but he is also dominated by them)... out of respect and love for him I endured this heaviness for years, along with various humiliations. Yet it was never enough. He always accused me of not loving him...and now I really don't love him anymore. It wore me out psychologically. Only later did I understand that I was dealing with a highly unstable person (in adolescence he even attempted suicide due to problems with his parents... and he told me this only years after the wedding), much more traumatized by me and with big problems... and I'm "sick" too by now. Because I wasn't strong enough to understand that I was suffering so much abuse... and I wasn't exactly because I had a father who left me with an eternal insecurity that I will always carry with me. Now I know all this but I don't know how to continue...It's difficult. That's why I ask if there is some positive transit in the future, to have hope... to be able to hold on to that. Or if in my birth chart there is also some transit that suggests improvement after the age of 30...

Dear NoMore,
Thank you for your long and detailed reply.

First of all, as you mentioned, the problem with you not being allowed to get a job is actually stemming from your husband's frustration and not your culture. In my country there is a large Albanian community and all Albanian women have a job like any other person.

You have several positive aspects in your natal chart: Your tight conjunction between Sun and Jupiter is a highly fortunate aspect. Your Venus is exalted in Libra and forms no hard aspects. Your Mercury is in trine to Saturn. Mars is in Sextile to Midheaven. As for transits, soon Pluto will form a trine aspect to your Sun. But please keep in mind that having positive transits ahead does not mean that you are going to get lucky out of nowhere; a positive transit or progression means that you will possibly have an opportunity you could benefit from by taking action.

Please consider of visiting a psychologist because you need somebody to talk about all the issues you've mentioned here. Discussing them in person with a mental health specialist who is able to assist you will certainly make you feel better as well as help you see things more clearly.