please help! -- is our relationship destroyed or can it be fixed? :(

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taraliveshere

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Joined
Jul 22, 2024
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Hello everyone, I'm a first time user & I hope some of you can help me out. I don't have many friends to talk with about this.

I'm a woman and the love relationship I've been in for the past 3 months exploded into bits yesterday over an argument, and since then, I've been blocked everywhere. The blocking feels really extreme, which makes me wonder if he really did care for me as he both said and showed he did.

I'm so confused and upset. We were growing quite close and had been having a terrific time together. We've also been able to talk about any issues so far as they've cropped up, but this issue blew up like a volcano.

(The issue: him scrolling past skanky tik tok videos while we both watch, BUT then LIKING them in secret later when I'm not there -- I discovered this yesterday at his place, and told him that it hurt my feelings and made me question his loyalty & sexual interest, but he didn't want to hear it. Instead he became upset with ME and told me to go home. Did I over-react? Or was my intuition telling me something?)

Details: We met on May 5th this year and were friends for 2 months, seeing each other quite regularly before becoming intimate in late June.

Also: I'm 53, he's 41, and he's from another country on a 3 year work permit. He's learning English, speaks it quite well, and I'm learning his language (albeit very slowly) so we've had a few misunderstandings already involving communication. We do have a good mental rapport however, and so we've always approached these misunderstandings with patience -- using translating apps -- and we've resolved them, which makes yesterday's explosion & subsequent blocking so hard to handle.

I've attached our natal charts with progressions. I do NOT know his exact birth time, but instead made a *semi-educated* guess given his physical characteristics and outward behaviour. He's small, wiry and muscular, with lots of physical energy, and has had a few head injuries over the course of his lifetime, so I went with an Aries Ascendent. I could be wrong, but that's what I used for the chart.

Please, can this be resolved? Is it worth it to make an effort? I like to think it could be, but then again, maybe this issue is a deal-breaker for us? I do love him, very much, and honestly until yesterday was convinced that he loves me too.

Is reconciliation possible, OR have we reached our natural end? :(

With much thanks to all,

Tara.

Chart 1 = me

Chart 2 = him

Chart 3 = our Composite (midpoint method)
 

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P.S. Our PROGRESSED Composite chart shows some interesting aspects which may explain what's happening.

I don't know how to read the progressed composite, but I'll attach it here for those of you who understand them.

Tara.
 

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Welcome to the Forum.

I'm sorry this is happening if you really like him, but just looking at your natal charts and midpoint composite chart, I'm not seeing a lot of compatibility. In the composite chart there is a wide sun-Venus conjunction which indicates affection in the relationship. With the vertex present, your relationship may have a "fateful encounter" quality to it.

I don't know what your intuition was telling you, but assuming the Tik Tok videos were explicitly sexual in nature, I'm wondering if his "liking" them shows there was more where that came from, hidden beneath his surface. And that he (a) didn't want to be judged; and (b) privately, he may be into material that is a lot more X-rated (to put it politely) than what you saw together.

I think people with Mars (domiciled in Scorpio) square Venus in general tend to be pretty sexy, and then Uranus square Venus can put an unusual or more "experimental" quality into his thoughts about women (Venus.)

I don't know that he would understand his viewing habits as "disloyal" to you; although I think most women would see them as disloyal. If he's available (single?) at age 41, one wonders what his previous relationships have been like. I don't know how you found out that he "liked" the videos later. Perhaps he thought you were spying on him.

Further to the point, realistically, given his visa status and his recent reaction, do you realistically see a future with this man? It's better that you find out more about him now, than later after life would be a lot more complicated.
 
Welcome to the Forum.

I'm sorry this is happening if you really like him, but just looking at your natal charts and midpoint composite chart, I'm not seeing a lot of compatibility. In the composite chart there is a wide sun-Venus conjunction which indicates affection in the relationship. With the vertex present, your relationship may have a "fateful encounter" quality to it.

I don't know what your intuition was telling you, but assuming the Tik Tok videos were explicitly sexual in nature, I'm wondering if his "liking" them shows there was more where that came from, hidden beneath his surface. And that he (a) didn't want to be judged; and (b) privately, he may be into material that is a lot more X-rated (to put it politely) than what you saw together.

I think people with Mars (domiciled in Scorpio) square Venus in general tend to be pretty sexy, and then Uranus square Venus can put an unusual or more "experimental" quality into his thoughts about women (Venus.)

I don't know that he would understand his viewing habits as "disloyal" to you; although I think most women would see them as disloyal. If he's available (single?) at age 41, one wonders what his previous relationships have been like. I don't know how you found out that he "liked" the videos later. Perhaps he thought you were spying on him.

Further to the point, realistically, given his visa status and his recent reaction, do you realistically see a future with this man? It's better that you find out more about him now, than later after life would be a lot more complicated.
Hi waybread, and thanks so much for your reply!

It's true, our meeting had a very fateful feeling to it, and there's a tremendous amount of familiarity with him, as if I've known him many times before. You're correct about the affection as well; both of us are physically affectionate individuals, so there was a nice warm feeling of togetherness, kind of an "us against the world" feeling between us. We share/shared many opinions on world issues & given that I live in a small town where everyone is familiar and it's a bit of a snooze-fest, he felt like a breath of fresh air, especially since I met him right outside my back yard & he's from another country.

The sex was great, and I've a strong libido, so when he wanted it, I also wanted it, and vice versa. BUT, with that said, I noted a few odd fixations he had which -- albeit not a problem with me -- indicated he had a lot of fantasies he wanted to make true. I even questioned his sexuality a few times; not that he was "gay" outright, mind you, but that he was bisexual perhaps, or had a fetish or fantasy involving other men. In my own past, I've experienced with bisexuality, and I have been attracted to & slept with another woman just to see what it was like, so this didn't concern me UNTIL I realized his tendency to "like" all of those sexy videos *"secretly."*

(They were all involving women, BUT some of the other videos I watched in his account made me scratch my head about his potential bisexuality.)

I mean, IF he had watched all of these videos OPENLY with me, and told me what he liked about them, my feelings might have been different. I appreciate a well-put together sexy video, and as mentioned, I don't judge the fantasies of others UNTIL they affect the relationship directly... which is what was happening, or rather, it appeared to be, because he was keeping his "liking" of them secret, which made me VERY uncomfortable. As you mentioned, it made me question what might be going on "under the surface."

Note re how I found them: I've only recently created a Tik Tok account. When we began seeing each other, he had an established account and we would sit in the park together at times, watching videos. He follows some terrific accounts, so over this past weekend, I went to his profile to scroll through his follow lists and liked videos for the sole purpose of following people for my own account. I KNEW already -- or imagined that I did -- what I would find when I got there, given all the videos we'd already watched together, so the skanky crap (basically women wearing next to nothing, & whoring themselves out for likes & validation) was a SHOCK. Even knowing how much he likes sex (daily, just like me) it was a real surprise. I'm physically attractive and I've a good figure thanks to swimming and weight training, BUT I'm 53, with a few wrinkles and dimples, and don't look anything like these women. It HURT, and badly. He's the first man I've been with in well over a few years, and I'll admit there's some insecurity on my part when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships. I've been burned badly before, and it's been a long time since I fell for someone.

Speaking of which, re his own history, he's been married once before, back in his country. They separated 7 years ago, and there's been 2 girlfriends in between, both back there. He's actively divorcing the wife at the moment (she's back there, too) and because I've seen the paperwork on that, (I helped him make photocopies of documents on occasion) I know it's legit & he's telling me the truth on that. He wants a fresh start here, he told me.

I've also looked at the charts myself and found out that we've a Neptune square Venus in our synastry, which I've heard can be an indicator of karma in the love department; some delusion or illusion or deception. I'll admit it worried me, but the fact we enjoyed each other's company and had good affection and sex made me believe it could be overcome, or dealt with, with honesty.

But it's strange; there's also a sense of having some "good" karma with him too; as if we've been friends or lovers before, & it wasn't such a bad thing. I DO care about him deeply, feel as if I've known him a very long time, and despite the strangeness, I really LIKE him... and I miss him too. We had lots of fun together, and some moments of real connection, where I felt as though emotionally we were on the same page. I think we gave each other a sense of security or safety in many ways, until the sexy videos surfaced. Obviously, we were not always on the same page, but still.

Also, re my chart with his, it appears that my North Node/South Node axis conjuncts his Sun and Moon opposition. I don't know the exact degree of his Moon sign, but still my nodal axis has a conjunction there. What could that mean, do you know?

I've also noted the Sun-Pluto conjunction in our composite. I felt stronger with him somehow; when we walked around together, we felt unstoppable. The only time I felt insecure was with the sexual stuff, or rather the "secretive" sexual stuff. Sexually, we were progressing quite nicely, and trust me, I appreciated his openness in bed; we spoke of what we liked and didn't like, which made me feel secure.

UNTIL I realized he liked these videos behind my back. :( :(

...

Anyway, he texted me last night; he wants to meet up and talk things over. I'm a bit confused over what to say, so I've decided I'll let him talk, and then take some time to process whatever it is. You've given me something to think about.

Thanks again!

Tara :)
 
Hello Tara,
your progressed sun on natal pluto can indicate you being in a phase of transformation, and the sun representing the men in your life, it could also show relationships with powerful men who will change your sense of self.

The composite chart doesn't have any indications of a close relationship long term, while the progressed composite has the venus/mars conjunction that is stimulating the sexual side of your relationship with him.
The progressed moon/mercury is also favouring a close friendship.
Once those have passed you may wonder why you are in the relationship.
Note the repetition of the sun/pluto conjunction that reflects what is happening in your own chart, this is a type of relationship you need (or needed) at this point in your development, and you found it in him.
Men with mars in scorpio in general can be very sexually oriented, which is not to say in a negative way.
And they are usually good lovers. The videos might be how he is expressing his sexuality.
Keep us updated after you've spoken with him, if you would like any further insights we might be able to give you from the charts.
 
Hello Tara,
your progressed sun on natal pluto can indicate you being in a phase of transformation, and the sun representing the men in your life, it could also show relationships with powerful men who will change your sense of self.

The composite chart doesn't have any indications of a close relationship long term, while the progressed composite has the venus/mars conjunction that is stimulating the sexual side of your relationship with him.
The progressed moon/mercury is also favouring a close friendship.
Once those have passed you may wonder why you are in the relationship.
Note the repetition of the sun/pluto conjunction that reflects what is happening in your own chart, this is a type of relationship you need (or needed) at this point in your development, and you found it in him.
Men with mars in scorpio in general can be very sexually oriented, which is not to say in a negative way.
And they are usually good lovers. The videos might be how he is expressing his sexuality.
Keep us updated after you've spoken with him, if you would like any further insights we might be able to give you from the charts.
Hi ElenaJ, thanks for the reply!

I must admit I'm depressed at the sound of yet another "transformation," because I've had so many trials in this department.

I live alone in a boring small town, I have very little money, and I'm 53 years old. I've met everyone here in this place, and have little to no chance of meeting new men elsewhere, without a car for transportation or funds to get myself there. I had a mental health breakdown in my early 30s, and went for almost 20 years without any kind of relationship with a man.

Truly, my life came to a crashing halt for about 20 years, and I'm resentful I've had to spend so much time regrouping. I've lost almost half my life to mental illness, and although I've come a long way, I still feel as if my life is gonna be spent treading water until I die. I've lost my purpose over the years, and have no idea what I'm meant to do with my life.

Relationships have always been difficult, too. Three years ago I met a man online -- we had a double Sun/Moon trine, and compatibility markers literally *everywhere,* in our charts together, but he was a lovebombing, ghosting, breadcrumbing *nightmare,* and he really messed me up. It took me a very long time to get over him, and all I heard after the fact from everyone was that he was a "lesson."

(Aka another man in my life to learn from, and "transform.")

I'm so tired. :( How old will I be when I find something that lasts, I wonder?

Because this new fellow felt like home. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, given that there's not a lot of compatibility indicators between us, but it's true. He's very familiar to me. In our chart synastry, there are quite a few aspects between the outer and inner planets, which I've read can indicate past life possibilities, and if so, we've definitely had our share. At times, things felt fresh and new (especially sexually) but at other times, we felt like an old married couple; as if we'd been through relationship stuff together before, the good, the bad and the ugly.

It's very confusing, how I'm feeling right now. :cry:

I'll keep you all posted on how things go.
 
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Hi ElenaJ, thanks for the reply!

I must admit I'm depressed at the sound of yet another "transformation," because I've had so many trials in this department.

I live alone in a boring small town, I have very little money, and I'm 53 years old. I've met everyone here in this place, and have little to no chance of meeting new men elsewhere, without a car for transportation or funds to get myself there. I had a mental health breakdown in my early 30s, and went for almost 20 years without any kind of relationship with a man.

Truly, my life came to a crashing halt for about 20 years, and I'm resentful I've had to spend so much time regrouping. I've lost almost half my life to mental illness, and although I've come a long way, I still feel as if my life is gonna be spent treading water until I die. I've lost my purpose over the years, and have no idea what I'm meant to do with my life.

Relationships have always been difficult, too. Three years ago I met a man online -- we had a double Sun/Moon trine, and compatibility markers literally *everywhere,* in our charts together, but he was a lovebombing, ghosting, breadcrumbing *nightmare,* and he really messed me up. It took me a very long time to get over him, and all I heard after the fact from everyone was that he was a "lesson."

(Aka another man in my life to learn from, and "transform.")

I'm so tired. :( How old will I be when I find something that lasts, I wonder?

Because this new fellow felt like home. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, given that there's not a lot of compatibility indicators between us, but it's true. He's very familiar to me. In our chart synastry, there are quite a few aspects between the outer and inner planets, which I've read can indicate past life possibilities, and if so, we've definitely had our share. At times, things felt fresh and new (especially sexually) but at other times, we felt like an old married couple; as if we'd been through relationship stuff together before, the good, the bad and the ugly.

It's very confusing, how I'm feeling right now. :cry:

I'll keep you all posted on how things go.
Taking a closer look at your natal.
Not a criticism but it is so filled with asteroids that are irrelevant that they fill up the spaces in the chart.
Actually checking the aspect table, your progressed sun that looks as though it is on pluto has actually moved forward and is now on uranus. Yes, more changes coming to you!
And progressed moon will be catching up with natal moon, pluto, then venus and sun.
That should be bringing you quite a pleasant period and put you in a position to meet positive partners.
Your descendent in gemini, with ruler mercury in virgo, shows you are destined to have multiple partners in your lifetime.
Mercury in the 9th also shows you are drawn to foreigners, but also teachers, lawyers, religious figures.
The wide square between sun and saturn makes you lose confidence in yourself, but you shouldn't let that get you down.
You don't have to compromise your principles to have a good relationship. Have faith in who you are.
 
Tara, just to answer your question.... your NN shows where your growth lies. Your SN shows a kind of comfort zone, something you've mastered to some extent, but where you can stagnate if you stay there. (I realize other people use these points for karmic astrology, but personally I don't.)

So if your nodal axis hits someone's sun-moon opposition, that's a huge growth experience for you. Maybe not what you want if your goal is to settle down comfortably, but our souls sometimes have other thoughts about our futures.

Just an off-the-cuff remark is that my daughter doesn't drive, either, but is happy in a major city with good mass transit and ride-sharing/taxi services. My son lives in a ski resort area that has brilliant mass transit, not just to get vacationers around, but all of the services staff who live in the outskirts because they cannot afford to live in pricey ski towns. Bigger places also tend to have better mental health support services, if you want them. The issue in a place with good mass transit is that housing can be more expensive. Perhaps you know someone you could visit for a while in such a place, while you check out some options.

Best wishes, W.
 
Taking a closer look at your natal.
Not a criticism but it is so filled with asteroids that are irrelevant that they fill up the spaces in the chart.
Actually checking the aspect table, your progressed sun that looks as though it is on pluto has actually moved forward and is now on uranus. Yes, more changes coming to you!
And progressed moon will be catching up with natal moon, pluto, then venus and sun.
That should be bringing you quite a pleasant period and put you in a position to meet positive partners.
Your descendent in gemini, with ruler mercury in virgo, shows you are destined to have multiple partners in your lifetime.
Mercury in the 9th also shows you are drawn to foreigners, but also teachers, lawyers, religious figures.
The wide square between sun and saturn makes you lose confidence in yourself, but you shouldn't let that get you down.
You don't have to compromise your principles to have a good relationship. Have faith in who you are.
Hi again,

👊 Thanks for the pep talk! I'm definitely looking forward to the changes my progressed Sun on Uranus/MC might bring! And if a pleasant period of progressed Moon is coming soon, I'll take that too! That wide Saturn Sun square has dragged me down so often I could write a book. Fortunately, Saturn trining my Moon, Venus & Pluto has helped me many times in that department & hopefully always will.

About me and this man: I've been looking at our composite more closely -- did you notice that we've Sun trine Moon in the composite? You mentioned you couldn't see any long term aspects but I've just read this is actually a good indicator of a long term relationship, and can bring a balance of give and take. I've felt that with him all along; we do little things for each other, and it doesn't feel unequal. It actually feels easy to help him do stuff, and he's been supportive of me too so far. We like to bring each other treats & small gifts, and there's no resentment when we ask each other to help out with stuff. Sexually, we have no problems telling each other what we like, and then we happily do it.

& Funny that you mention, but fact is I've already had those multiple partners:cautious:, most of them in my 20s. I don't want multiple partners in my future. I want one. Just one. :)

Anyway --- we met tonight. We were smiling as we approached one another in the park, which was encouraging, and it was a good conversation. I told him it was the shock of seeing those videos that set me off, and that if we could talk about them and look at them together, it would not only help me to understand how they fit into his life, but also would allow us to explore this stuff together. I've a pretty powerful sex drive myself, but I've been badly treated by men in the past who didn't respect me & hid things from me, so I told him that as long as we keep our sexual needs and fantasy stuff out in the open, we're good.

He responded by saying his sex drive has always been powerful, and because he's been on his own for lengthy periods of time, sexually pleasing himself is a daily need/habit. He's not talking with any of the women in the videos -- and seemed quite surprised when I mentioned it -- he's just showing appreciation for those who put out the videos for him to watch. Free masturbation fodder if you will, or even just a glimpse of a sexy body is what he's there for. He's used to getting his sexual kicks online because he's been here in this country on his own for a year now, and hasn't had a partner in over 2 1/2 years. He likes sex on a daily basis, as do I... so as I think on it, I can understand his point of view regarding appreciating the videos, which are in his life simply to help him satisfy himself often.

And I surprised myself today :oops: by both realizing AND remembering that in the past, when I've been involved with others, I too have watched sexy videos or fantasized about someone other than my partner for masturbation purposes. It shook me up quite a bit as I realized I've done the exact same thing that he has been/is doing. It was definitely an eye-opener!

I also remembered today a highly upsetting moment for me when I was a young woman, and now wonder if over the weekend I was triggered by this memory when I found the videos. (I was diagnosed with CPTSD several years ago, and although I've come a long way, I can still be triggered subconsciously & find myself thrown into a difficult memory or feeling without much awareness of this until time passes.)

Anyway, the memory: I was in my early 20s and with a new boyfriend when I discovered him watching porn. I had never watched porn at the time, & was not at all in touch yet with my own sexuality. When I asked him WHY he was watching it, his response was: "You don't look as good as they do. I need it to get turned on."

As you can imagine, that comment WRECKED me 😔 and stuck with me for YEARS afterwards. I'd forgotten all about it until this afternoon, as I was waiting for him to meet me at the park. It completely changed my perspective, & I understood with greater clarity why I had reacted as I had over the weekend when I discovered those Tik Tok videos. WOW.

To move on,

On a note unrelated to sex, we've also mutually realized we've been spending way too much time together... almost daily through the week in the evenings, and all weekend long. It's been exhausting for him, as he works long hours in construction and has a long commute each day, plus I've been neglecting my garden duties, my swim routines, and my housekeeping. We've both a tendency to people-please, and tonight we admitted we're sometimes too paranoid of upsetting each other in order to say, "I need some me-time tonight" or, "let's meet tomorrow instead, I'm too sleepy." We admitted that at times we've wanted to be on our own to regroup or rest, and have instead chosen to hang out together because we didn't want to hurt the others' feelings or make ourselves feel rejected.

Again... another eye opener, and also a bit of a relief, for both of us. I could see in his face that he'd been worried about wanting to take a day or two away from me at times. We laughed out loud as we admitted we both felt the same way. We've been putting way too much pressure on each other to "be there," and both our schedules AND our relationship have been suffering as a result.

(When I mentioned we were becoming like an old married couple, especially on weekends, he cracked up. He'd had the very same thought. :))

So! We're going to slow things down a bit, and be more open about how we're feeling, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. Now that we've spoken out loud about this stuff, I feel more relaxed with him, and him with me too. He seemed a lot less tense tonight than he has been the last week or more, and after we spoke seriously, we chilled out and had a few laughs together. He also unblocked me everywhere, (see my first post) and as we looked at Tik Tok together, I noted another one of those "sexy" videos... and thankfully, saw it for what it was. Just another video of a woman in a bikini. 🤷‍♀️

(As one of my girlfriends here in my apartment building told me, "there's millions of them out there, they're all over the world, and they're not going away, so stop feeling as if you need to compete with them all.")

All in all, a good night. 👍
 
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Tara, just to answer your question.... your NN shows where your growth lies. Your SN shows a kind of comfort zone, something you've mastered to some extent, but where you can stagnate if you stay there. (I realize other people use these points for karmic astrology, but personally I don't.)

So if your nodal axis hits someone's sun-moon opposition, that's a huge growth experience for you. Maybe not what you want if your goal is to settle down comfortably, but our souls sometimes have other thoughts about our futures.

Just an off-the-cuff remark is that my daughter doesn't drive, either, but is happy in a major city with good mass transit and ride-sharing/taxi services. My son lives in a ski resort area that has brilliant mass transit, not just to get vacationers around, but all of the services staff who live in the outskirts because they cannot afford to live in pricey ski towns. Bigger places also tend to have better mental health support services, if you want them. The issue in a place with good mass transit is that housing can be more expensive. Perhaps you know someone you could visit for a while in such a place, while you check out some options.

Best wishes, W.
Hi again Waybread,

Thanks for answering my question. I must say, I've certainly grown already in the short time we've been seeing each other, so I understand that NN growth bit! Yikes. The meaning behind both nodes makes perfect sense when I apply it to the development of our relationship. There exists a sense of comfort with us -- that old married couple vibe I've mentioned -- but I sense along with it comes the possibility of falling into cumbersome patterns of relating with one another, (or more traditional male and female patterns, perhaps?) if we're not careful. I wonder if breaking free of these potentially unhealthy patterns, and/or stepping out of comfort zones in relation to male & female relationships is part of the meaning of this aspect? Hmmm. It feels right, given some of the issues we've faced so far.

Re your off the cuff: 🙂 I've given thought many times to moving to a bigger city, but the issue here is financial, and availability. I live in a rent-subsidized apartment building, which makes moving very difficult. I'd have to apply for another subsidized building, and the unpleasant fact is that in the larger cities, the rent-subsidized buildings can get a little rough, filled with crime and/or violence. I'm fortunate in that this small town is kept neat and clean, and our building is well-maintained, which isn't always the case in the city. I lived for many years in a neighbouring city, but when my symptoms of CPTSD became too much, I needed a quieter and more peaceful environment, which is why I'm here.

I'm just gonna have to suck it up for now, I guess. Fortunately our building is all one floor, so right outside my windows I have a small garden in which to grow both flowers and vegetables. It's more than what most in my situation have at the moment, so I suppose I'll tolerate the loneliness for the sake of peace and quiet.

& I'll work on understanding more what it is I'm meant to learn from this relationship... I'm sure there's something. 🙄 We met tonight and had a good talk which greatly cleared the air between us. Not sure what the future holds, BUT I feel more prepared to face it now.

Thanks again!
 
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Thanks for these detailed updates.
It actually does sound like the transformation process is moving smoothly along, you're having so many new insights as well as self-awareness.
And you sound much more upbeat and pleased with life!
And yes, the moon trine sun in the composite is a very positive aspect to have, especially from 11th to 7th.
The aspect is quite wide which is why I didn't put it into the picture, but now I recall you writing that you are guessing his TOB, which could move the moon somewhat.
Take care and thank you again for all the reassuring details. Enjoy your life and your friend!
 
If you don’t know his birth time at all, please avoid to make something up for his birth time. That’s gonna make everything worse. I’m full of injuries (scar on my forehead, scars on my knees, apadicitis operation scar, stabbing scars, and whole abdomen opening and stitching my intestines scars, broken nose etc) and I’m Scorpio rising for example and I’m also very energetic in bed. And considering his libido is so high that he’s looking at some skanky videos would make him close to Scorpio rising but his openly doing it makes me think because Scorpios are secretive usually, not as dumb as Aries in those cases. So you see, it can be even something else, maybe his Mars in Scorpio but his Mercury in Aries and there’s nothing to do with his rising and maybe his rising is Sagittarius for his not wanting to be controlled? Or Gemini or Capricorn even? Who knows?

Learn his birth time (at least in a narrow spectrum like 30-40 minutes margin of error) or forget about it.

I think you should check your own transits right now to have a better idea why you’re feeling like this and why these chaotic stuffs are happening to you.
 
If you don’t know his birth time at all, please avoid to make something up for his birth time. That’s gonna make everything worse. I’m full of injuries (scar on my forehead, scars on my knees, apadicitis operation scar, stabbing scars, and whole abdomen opening and stitching my intestines scars, broken nose etc) and I’m Scorpio rising for example and I’m also very energetic in bed. And considering his libido is so high that he’s looking at some skanky videos would make him close to Scorpio rising but his openly doing it makes me think because Scorpios are secretive usually, not as dumb as Aries in those cases. So you see, it can be even something else, maybe his Mars in Scorpio but his Mercury in Aries and there’s nothing to do with his rising and maybe his rising is Sagittarius for his not wanting to be controlled? Or Gemini or Capricorn even? Who knows?

Learn his birth time (at least in a narrow spectrum like 30-40 minutes margin of error) or forget about it.

I think you should check your own transits right now to have a better idea why you’re feeling like this and why these chaotic stuffs are happening to you.
If the time of birth isn't known, a good solution is to do the chart for noon. Why?
Because it will place the moon halfway between its position from midnight to midnight.
The moon travels approximately 12 degrees in a day, so the noon chart will show the moon at a point that is no more than 6 degrees off in one direction or the other.
If instead you try to guess, and place the time to one side or the other of noon, you could actually give a very misleading position of the moon.
And the moon is one of the most important points in a natal, as well as being necessary for a synastry.
 
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