Once in a while I see a "strong" chart belonging to a person living a life of despair. I think the problem is that you actually have a lot of hidden power, but have been afraid to use it. Maybe as a child you were punished for acting out or expressing power deemed inappropriate for a child, and got severely punished for it. Maybe you believed people wouldn't like you if you came out as a strong character.
I'm looking at your sun trine Pluto, which usually confers a lot of personal power; your Aries sun and Mercury; and moon sextile Mars. Also, your north node (or the moon) of personal growth is flanked by a feisty Uranus and Mars.
Also, as I look at your Neptune conjunct your MC and sextiling Jupiter, I wonder if your drug dependency is at the point where you cannot get out of it without real intervention. Neptune rules drugs licit and illicit, Jupiter says, "If a little is good, a lot is better," and reality will never feel as good as an artificial high. Especially not if the True You is squashed into a box and not allowed to come out.
Moon square Saturn can be very trying. The moon gives your emotional nature, but Saturn sends those signals of not being good enough,
The good Saturn, however, gives us a sense of hard work and self-discipline. Power exercised for the good of other people ben make you a beloved figure. (I have an older friend like this, whose volunteerism is legendary.)
See if you can let your Aries nature come out of the box. It wants to do something martial or athletic.
These steps may seem like so much sublimation, but the universe notices when you take small steps to help yourself.
