Struggle with relationships?

[AnnaStesia]

Can someone help me understand why I struggle with relationships? With friendships, family, romantic, professional. It's hard for me to create and sustain relationships and I've developed a lot of anxiety because of this. Never really used to pay a lot of attention to this but since 2012 I've noticed that I don't really have a lot of people that I feel close too. Almost as if there's a wall that blocks me from others and others from me. I was wondering if it was transit Pluto that's been causing this.

 

[AnnaStesia]

bump?..............

 

[sibylline]

Is it just a recent issue or a lifelong issue you only now noticed? And what happens to prevent you from creating the relationships you want?

You are a double Cancer in the 8th house with Pluto in Scorpio Rising. So it may be harder for you to be out there and connect with others.

 

[AnnaStesia]

Is it just a recent issue or a lifelong issue you only now noticed? And what happens to prevent you from creating the relationships you want?

You are a double Cancer in the 8th house with Pluto in Scorpio Rising. So it may be harder for you to be out there and connect with others.

When I was younger, people used to reach out to me and that's how most of my relationships formed. I've only know realized that but now that rarely happens. It is hard for me to put myself out there and after these past couple of years of heavy transits, I'm more in my shell than ever. I've never been an outgoing person but I guess when I was younger, I was more bubbly? I was wondering if this was just an internal, mental issue where I need to get over myself or if there was something else that was influencing this. I know that I need to work on my shyness and meeting people half way in terms of creating relationships but when I do try they just fizzle out and never really manage to form. Like in the beginning during the first couple of encounters with the person, it seems promising but then something happens and then we end up not speaking to each other. They either actively avoid me or they linger around me but if I speak to them, the conversation never picks up off the ground.

 

[Witchyone]

Hi AnaStesia,

I'm still new at this, so bear with me.

I've been studying inconjuncts, as I have them in my chart as well. Have you taken a look at those in your chart? Inconjuncts are a pain in the *** because it's a tense energy between two unlike planets.

You have these inconjuncts (Writeups from Cafe Astrology):

Venus Quincunx (Inconjunct) Neptune

You are suffering at times because you are attracted to inaccurate perceptions of others. This is based on incorrect appraisals of who you are and where you are going. You approach the unachievable with naive confidence, then get confused when you aren’t able to be complete with your various projects. This creates an environment where others find you unapproachable and difficult to know. As you show genuine self-acceptance (including your limitations) your range of love expression increases.


Mars Quincunx (Inconjunct) Jupiter

Taking care of others can be a way of putting them down. You need to recognize your own competitive instincts for what they are rather than masking them in the idea of service to others. Evaluate any projects before you get involved. Your great energy and humanitarian spirit can get linked to other people’s unrealistic expectations in a way that leaves you drained and unappreciated. If you are able to evaluate your everyday habits in a positive way, you will see whether or not they really support your long term goals.

 

[AnnaStesia]

Hi AnaStesia,

I'm still new at this, so bear with me.

I've been studying inconjuncts, as I have them in my chart as well. Have you taken a look at those in your chart? Inconjuncts are a pain in the *** because it's a tense energy between two unlike planets.

You have these inconjuncts (Writeups from Cafe Astrology):

Venus Quincunx (Inconjunct) Neptune

You are suffering at times because you are attracted to inaccurate perceptions of others. This is based on incorrect appraisals of who you are and where you are going. You approach the unachievable with naive confidence, then get confused when you aren’t able to be complete with your various projects. This creates an environment where others find you unapproachable and difficult to know. As you show genuine self-acceptance (including your limitations) your range of love expression increases.


Mars Quincunx (Inconjunct) Jupiter

Taking care of others can be a way of putting them down. You need to recognize your own competitive instincts for what they are rather than masking them in the idea of service to others. Evaluate any projects before you get involved. Your great energy and humanitarian spirit can get linked to other people’s unrealistic expectations in a way that leaves you drained and unappreciated. If you are able to evaluate your everyday habits in a positive way, you will see whether or not they really support your long term goals.

Hi,

I'm still trying to see how my inconjunct aspects factor into my chart, like I understand the definition but it's hard for me to notice those qualities in myself. I have Venus inconjunct Uranus rather than Neptune, according to astro.com but oddly the explanation for Venus inconjunct Neptune makes sense to me. Especially the "people see you as unapproachable and hard to get to know" part but I think that could also be Scorpio rising and having Pluto in the 1st.

 

[sibylline]

Hi,

I'm still trying to see how my in conjunct aspects factor into my chart, like I understand the definition but it's hard for me to notice those qualities in myself. I don't have have Venus incoming Uranus rather than Neptune, according to astro.com but oddly the explanation for Venus in conjunct Neptune makes sense to me. Especially the people see you as unapproachable and hard to get to know but I think that could also be Scorpio rising and having Pluto in the 1st.

That's likely it, combined with the 8th house stellium, and Sun opposite Neptune, which has a similar interpretation.

If you're always waiting for people to come to you and you never try to get to know people first and you're a naturally reserved person, you probably wouldn't have the largest social circle. Perhaps it's time you come out of your Crab shell a little? Jupiter is transiting through your 11th house and still in orb for a trine to your 7th house Mars, so this is as good a time as any.

 

[AnnaStesia]

That's likely it, combined with the 8th house stellium, and Sun opposite Neptune, which has a similar interpretation.

If you're always waiting for people to come to you and you never try to get to know people first and you're a naturally reserved person, you probably wouldn't have the largest social circle. Perhaps it's time you come out of your Crab shell a little? Jupiter is transiting through your 11th house and still in orb for a trine to your 7th house Mars, so this is as good a time as any.

Yes, I'm going to make more of an effort to be outgoing, especially at school and at my internship. I need to be able to network people in order to be successful in the career I'm interested in. I guess I just have to push past my anxiety and be more confident when dealing with people I don't know.

 

[sibylline]

Yes, I'm going to make more of an effort to be outgoing, especially at school and at my internship. I need to be able to network people in order to be successful in the career I'm interested in. I guess I just have to push past my anxiety and be more confident when dealing with people I don't know.

Your chart looks very similar to a few people close to me, so I understand your struggles. But yes you should make more of an effort to meet people. You might even meet someone special.

 

[Chillaxer]

Same Asc/Dsc as me, I struggle too.

Your south node is in the 7th, which almost suggests relationships are a skill but not your direction of evolution. Maybe you over focus on them and need to focus on your own development and identity, 1st house north node, to strike the right balance here? This is more speculative, but you have Venus right near the MC, are you in love with work too much?

By the way, Chiron in Virgo in the 10th is very interesting. There's supposed to be an affinity between Chiron and Virgo and in the 10th it would seem to suggest excellence in a healing career.

I know that's a bit of a tangent.

 

[Witchyone]

Hi,

I'm still trying to see how my inconjunct aspects factor into my chart, like I understand the definition but it's hard for me to notice those qualities in myself. I have Venus inconjunct Uranus rather than Neptune, according to astro.com but oddly the explanation for Venus inconjunct Neptune makes sense to me. Especially the "people see you as unapproachable and hard to get to know" part but I think that could also be Scorpio rising and having Pluto in the 1st.

Sorry if I mixed up Uranus and Neptune...I do that occasionally.

 

[AnnaStesia]

Same Asc/Dsc as me, I struggle too.

Your south node is in the 7th, which almost suggests relationships are a skill but not your direction of evolution. Maybe you over focus on them and need to focus on your own development and identity, 1st house north node, to strike the right balance here? This is more speculative, but you have Venus right near the MC, are you in love with work too much?

By the way, Chiron in Virgo in the 10th is very interesting. There's supposed to be an affinity between Chiron and Virgo and in the 10th it would seem to suggest excellence in a healing career.

I know that's a bit of a tangent.

No I wouldn't say I'm in love with work but I do use it as an excuse as to why I don't pursue relationships I do think I need to focus more on developing myself rather than others, but I feel as if I lack the skills to create relationships. So I don't know how to keep that balanced. Also, I associate scorpion with wanting to merge with others. Isn't that right? So I'm not sure how that type of energy works out as a 1st house north node.

 

[AnnaStesia]

Sorry if I mixed up Uranus and Neptune...I do that occasionally.

No problem!

 

[Horus]

Can someone help me understand why I struggle with relationships? With friendships, family, romantic, professional. It's hard for me to create and sustain relationships and I've developed a lot of anxiety because of this. Never really used to pay a lot of attention to this but since 2012 I've noticed that I don't really have a lot of people that I feel close too. Almost as if there's a wall that blocks me from others and others from me. I was wondering if it was transit Pluto that's been causing this.

It's mainly the afflicted Venus at the apex of a difficult t-square formation and Saturn in the 4th, and Mars in the 7th.

Venus rules the 11th house of friends, and the 7th of one-on-one relationships. It even affects public persona because it conjuncts the MidHeaven.

It's square to Mars will make difficulty with the opposite sex because your internal yin-yang energy is conflicted and that always manifests outwardly with a potential partner. Mars is also ruling the 5th house of romance and courtship, as well as bringing conflict to the 7th.

Saturn in the 4th will bring fears lessons and challenges to home, roots, and your emotional foundation connected to family.

Uranus opp the Sun can make you unstable or prone to breaks. Oppositions tend to play out with others, so it can also mean others destabilize you or break away.

Transiting Pluto opp your Sun is asking (forcefully, and maybe through external circumstances) for you to transform. Your natal Pluto is too. In the 1st house you have a powerful affect on others, sometimes extreme like/or dislike reactions and it is asking you to alter or transform your manner of relating with others, probably toning down intensity as Scorpio Rising and Pluto in the 1st and opposite Mars (which also rules personal assertion) can all be quite intense or too intense of energy for most people.

Venus sq. Pluto brings crisis and intensity to relationships, and Mars opp Pluto can be a very powerful anger, and/or attract that or dangerous types of guys.

All this necessitates deep healing and transformation work. There are two agendas for the soul here the karmic and Dharmic. The 4th house is Cancer's natural house and Saturn Lord of Karma is asking you to work on building a home and family which your Cancer Sun is naturally predisposed to do. Additionally the outlet for the energy of the t-square is is opposite Venus which is your IC, cusp of the 4th, so energy will be focused there automatically.

With the North Node in Scorpio, you need to develop positive Scorpio traits and there's an evolutionary inclination toward deep transformation usually experienced through emotional and sexual intimacy. This is why you have Scorpio Rising, Pluto aspects, and why the Sun, Moon and Merc are focused in Scorpio's natural house -the 8th.

I would recommend deep healing/transformation work like hypnotherapy, parts therapy in hypnosis or within other therapies to integrate disparate parts of of the subconscious mind which are pulling you in different or opposite directions, and to get your yin-yang working more harmoniously within so that it will translate into harmony in your relationships.

 

[AnnaStesia]

It's mainly the afflicted Venus at the apex of a difficult t-square formation and Saturn in the 4th, and Mars in the 7th.

Venus rules the 11th house of friends, and the 7th of one-on-one relationships. It even affects public persona because it conjuncts the MidHeaven.

It's square to Mars will make difficulty with the opposite sex because your internal yin-yang energy is conflicted and that always manifests outwardly with a potential partner. Mars is also ruling the 5th house of romance and courtship, as well as bringing conflict to the 7th.

Saturn in the 4th will bring fears lessons and challenges to home, roots, and your emotional foundation connected to family.

Uranus opp the Sun can make you unstable or prone to breaks. Oppositions tend to play out with others, so it can also mean others destabilize you or break away.

Transiting Pluto opp your Sun is asking (forcefully, and maybe through external circumstances) for you to transform. Your natal Pluto is too. In the 1st house you have a powerful affect on others, sometimes extreme like/or dislike reactions and it is asking you to alter or transform your manner of relating with others, probably toning down intensity as Scorpio Rising and Pluto in the 1st and opposite Mars (which also rules personal assertion) can all be quite intense or too intense of energy for most people.

Venus sq. Pluto brings crisis and intensity to relationships, and Mars opp Pluto can be a very powerful anger, and/or attract that or dangerous types of guys.

All this necessitates deep healing and transformation work. There are two agendas for the soul here the karmic and Dharmic. The 4th house is Cancer's natural house and Saturn Lord of Karma is asking you to work on building a home and family which your Cancer Sun is naturally predisposed to do. Additionally the outlet for the energy of the t-square is is opposite Venus which is your IC, cusp of the 4th, so energy will be focused there automatically.

With the North Node in Scorpio, you need to develop positive Scorpio traits and there's an evolutionary inclination toward deep transformation usually experienced through emotional and sexual intimacy. This is why you have Scorpio Rising, Pluto aspects, and why the Sun, Moon and Merc are focused in Scorpio's natural house -the 8th.

I would recommend deep healing/transformation work like hypnotherapy, parts therapy in hypnosis or within other therapies to integrate disparate parts of of the subconscious mind which are pulling you in different or opposite directions, and to get your yin-yang working more harmoniously within so that it will translate into harmony in your relationships.

Wow, thank you for this detailed post. In your opinion, aside from the transformation work, would a focus on developing self or a focus on creating emotional intimacy in relationships be the best way to integrate all of that square and opposition energy?

 

[kamn]

we are very compatible. I want your "square and opposition" energy.

 

[Horus]

Wow, thank you for this detailed post. In your opinion, aside from the transformation work, would a focus on developing self or a focus on creating emotional intimacy in relationships be the best way to integrate all of that square and opposition energy?

Both. But you want to work on yourself and your manner of relating to others first, then attract a partner. Having the North Node in the 1st doesn't mean you need to be by yourself. You have energy in the 7th and 8th and in signs designed to be really close to someone else. It's there for the soul program reasons I mentioned above.

Squares and oppositions need to be transmuted, the evolutionary intent of the aspects understood and the energy of the planets consciously guided constructively. The default negative effects of planets like Pluto will manifest unless this awareness is cultivated and its healing transformative agenda pursued.

 

[AnnaStesia]

Both. But you want to work on yourself and your manner of relating to others first, then attract a partner. Having the North Node in the 1st doesn't mean you need to be by yourself. You have energy in the 7th and 8th and in signs designed to be really close to someone else. It's there for the soul program reasons I mentioned above.

Squares and oppositions need to be transmuted, the evolutionary intent of the aspects understood and the energy of the planets consciously guided constructively. The default negative effects of planets like Pluto will manifest unless this awareness is cultivated and its healing transformative agenda pursued.

Thank you!

 

[SkuttleStar]

I saw this title and I was like "Rahu in first house, Ketu in 7th?" and yes! I was right.

Allright so what this means is that in your past life and early life your relationships were really well worked out. You are very good at being in a relationship. You mold very, very well to partners you are with. TOO WELL, in fact.

One of the many reasons you are on this earth is to develop yourself, your voice, your place in the world. You need to know who you are and what you're doing-- and then, after you have conquered the self the universe will allow you to fit into another relationship. But it's gonna/gotta be in a different way, it's gotta be way more independent, especially from you. People with this aspect do not tend to get married until much later in life.

Until you have better mastered the self, any relationship you enter will pretty much just fail, due to the lack of this understanding of an overall life lesson.

Go backpacking?

(also dont feel too bad about that, everyone has some weird **** like this. Like if you give me something I didn't earn, it will bring me nothing but bad luck. Took forever to realize that @_@)

 

[AnnaStesia]

I saw this title and I was like "Rahu in first house, Ketu in 7th?" and yes! I was right.

Allright so what this means is that in your past life and early life your relationships were really well worked out. You are very good at being in a relationship. You mold very, very well to partners you are with. TOO WELL, in fact.

One of the many reasons you are on this earth is to develop yourself, your voice, your place in the world. You need to know who you are and what you're doing-- and then, after you have conquered the self the universe will allow you to fit into another relationship. But it's gonna/gotta be in a different way, it's gotta be way more independent, especially from you. People with this aspect do not tend to get married until much later in life.

Until you have better mastered the self, any relationship you enter will pretty much just fail, due to the lack of this understanding of an overall life lesson.

Go backpacking?

(also dont feel too bad about that, everyone has some weird **** like this. Like if you give me something I didn't earn, it will bring me nothing but bad luck. Took forever to realize that @_@)

Does that only apply to romantic relationships? I haven't experienced a real romantic relationship in my life but I have found that with dealing with guys that I don't try to mold myself into what I think they will like. I'm pretty stubborn with my individuality. I'm still discovering who I am as a person (moving towards my 1st house north node) but I haven't found that I can instantly create positive relationships with others (7th house south node).

You think that backpacking will help me find myself lol? That does sound like fun though